How Our Past Affects Our Relationships Today

There are many dynamics to a relationship and I think most of us can agree that we rarely see everything going on under the surface, yet we feel the discomfort. As a Guy Spy into the Male Mind I would like to reveal three elements that can cause relational distress and immobility.

Neglectedr
When a man has come from a background whether it be a childhood experience or a recent relationship where neglect prevailed, there are unmet needs that can surface continually in the life of that person. It may manifest in various ways that can catch even the wisest woman off guard. There may be an unusual amount of touch needed to make up for the deficit that had been plaguing him for possibly years. He may have a desire to be heard above and beyond what you have experienced before, trying to make up for no one being interested in what he had to say before. The need for a man to be loved can be a very intense drive and I am not referring to the sexual drive, but rather the emotional longing. There is a void created in the soul that can only be filled with tende
ess, encouragement and unconditional love. These three elements will help the wounds of neglect to heal. And when the man has found a woman that will believe in him no matter how flawed he is, she in her own power has now created a superhero who will thrive at making her proud.

Rejectedr
The experience of being rejected seems to be more prevalent in the lives of males than females although both encounter this painful event in their lives. For the male however, the level of intensity in the rejection is directly related to the person whom they are being rejected by. If they don't make the little league team, there is a sense of not belonging that irritates and burns. If the teenage guy is asking a girl out on a date, it causes a hardening of the heart on a temporary basis just long enough for them to shake it off and move on to invite the next one. If the grown man has been in a loving relationship and it takes a chilly turn to the point of him being rejected by his love
in bed, that is an affliction they are rarely prepared for. If women truly understood the power the wield in the arena of affection, they would hopefully adopt the Spider-Man theme: “With great power comes great responsibility”.

Infectedr
When we see that word we tend to relate it to a sickness or disease of the body that can be remedied with doses of antibiotics. But the septicity of the soul I am referring to is due to the pollution of unkept promises, corrupt communication where words are used to wound instead of heal, and the misery of being manipulated. All of these experiences in and of themselves can ambush even the strongest Achilles in your life, once a hero until his vulnerable spot was targeted. In his case the heel, in many cases the heart of a man. Infection of the soul will manifest itself through a man's outlook on life, projection of his future with or without you and through conversation. If he has been neglected and rejected there are exposed areas of his heart that are infected.

As a woman who may be in love with a man that has undergone a dismal past, you may be wondering is there a remedy? Actually, there are three vitamins to administer:

1. Trustr
Trust is not something you can push to make happen. It is a force in and of itself that is usually created through healthy conversations, purity of heart and unwavering faith in the man for who he is, not who you hope he will turn out to be. The trust factor will cause him to take off his armor with you one piece at a time until he is certain that his heart is safe in your hands.

2. Time
We've all heard that time heals, but when we engage in a relationship and feel that this person could be the one we sometimes want to rush things. Rushing never works. It may look like it's working at first, but know this; the issues that lie unde
eath will surface sooner or later. Let time run it's course. Allow the relationship to strengthen at an appropriate pace. If you find yourself rushing and he is slowing things down, pay attention to that. He may be in a different season than you. Not that it's bad, but it's worth recognizing.

3. Trader
There comes a time in a child's life when one must give away toys that meant a lot to them. As they hold their precious beat up, ripped apart, one eyed bear, the pain they feel in having to release this toy is immense. What they do not realize is that the moment they let go of the old, they now have freed their arms to embrace the new. There comes a time in a man's life when he needs to trade the future he thought he was going to have with the future he will have. The “Mid-Life Crisis” term stems from this reality for guys. They hit an age where they realize they aren't in the job position they thought they would be. They aren't driving the car they thought they would own. Their living space is not what they imagined to be their home. Seeing a man go through this season can be extremely painful for the woman who loves him, but this can also be a time for him to let go of the false hopes in order to embrace the wonderful opportunities that do await him.

Relationships are never easy, but they can be extremely rewarding. As a Heart Protector of Women I always want to open up doors of discovery into the male world to hopefully ease the discomfort and shine a little light on the areas of confusion. Women possess amazing attributes that enable them to be the catalyst in the lives of so many, forever impacting others for better. Ladies, I want you to know that this does not go unnoticed. In fact we frequently stand in awe.