How to help your overweight children

How to help your overweght children

I get this question a lot from my clients, “How do I deal with my overweight child; what can I do to help?” (This is usually conce
ing a teenage daughter.) I know from both personal and professional experience that handling this issue can badly damage your child’s self esteem in ways that are very hard to recover from. So I recommend the following if you have a teenager who is struggling with weight:
• Watch the show Too Fat for 15 on TLC. It will give you some perspective of what your child is going through emotionally.

• NEVER, EVER, EVER single a child out for their weight by saying things like, “we are worried about your weight,” or “should you be eating that?” or anything else that is critical or mean. Don’t allow your other kids to tease them, or tell ugly stories about family members who used to be thin but now are fat, and say things like, “ you don’t want to be like them do you?”

Making them feel bad about it is what the bullies at school do all day long. Encourage them by providing activities that IMPROVE self-esteem -- like karate or dance classes or survival training. What they need most is love and support, not criticism from the one place they need to feel the safest…home.

If someone in the family is at an unhealthy weight the whole family could benefit from eating a healthier diet and getting more exercise, so make changes familywide.

• It is safe to assume that all food served at school is unhealthy. If you want your child to eat a healthy lunch, you have to pack it yourself.

• Nutrition education in school is woefully inadequate. Enroll yourself AND your teenager in a college-level nutrition class at the local JC (most high schools will let you) can be really helpful.

• Almost all children these days are eating too many carbs, sugars, and fats. The kids who aren’t fat have bodies that are better able to handle the extra calories; the overweight kids don’t. I doubt the fat and thin kids really eat that differently.

• Unless they are obese, putting them on a strict diet isn’t nearly as good as helping them build their self-esteem so that they will want to keep their bodies healthy and well nourished. If they are obese, do both.

• If you are embarrassed about your overweight child’s appearance that is an issue you have that needs to be worked on. Don’t put that on your child. Nothing will damage their self-esteem more quickly than letting them know you are embarrassed by their appearance.
• Empower them to make more life-affirming choices the same way you would talk to them about any other safety issues. Know that you can’t be with them 24/7 to make sure they make the right choices. Ultimately, they have to do that for themselves.
This issue is very important to me both personally and professionally and I hope you will take this advice to heart. Your children need to know you love them no matter what, and that you want them to be healthy and happy. That is the most important message you can convey.