How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship After an Affair

Can a marriage survive an affair? While many relationships end in divorce, there are some couples who are able to overcome the anger and sense of betrayal, and even forge a deeper and more meaningful bond. However, it’s not going to be easy. Marriage counselors share how to rebuild trust in a relationship.

1. Accept and Respect the Feelings

It’s not enough to say sorry. If you were the one who cheated, it’s important to acknowledge the hurt and pain you have caused. Hear them out, listen to their experience, and show that you take responsibility and will change. It’s also normal for a person to cycle through denial, anger, sadness and acceptance. One day it’s better; the next day it feels worse. You will constantly have to prove your commitment to the relationship, and that including being there while he or she comes to terms with what has happened.

If you were the one who was betrayed, give yourself time to heal. Suppressing emotions won’t make them go away; in fact, you have to face them head on. Don’t be ashamed to seek marriage counseling. Infidelity affects not just your marriage, but your self-esteem and sense of safety. Therapy – whether for yourself, or as a couple -- can help you work through these issues. Also Read: What to Do When a Guy Pulls Away

2. Keep No Secrets

Cheating creates the question, “Will my partner cheat again?” The fear and suspicion can often lead to endless questions and spying. To rebuild trust, show that you can be trusted. Say where you’re going and what time you will arrive – and keep those promises. Assure them, through your honesty and transparency, that there is nothing to be afraid of. You may feel defensive and sometimes resentful of having to report everything you do, but it’s the only way how to rebuild trust in a relationship until your partner feels “safe” enough to stop asking questions.

3. Give Constant Assurances of Love and Affection

Infidelity and betrayal make a person ask, “Why did you do this to me? Don’t you love me?” You need to show and prove your love again. Combine small, tender acts and compliments, with grand gestures of romance. Related: How to Make Someone Fall in Love with You Again If you were the one who was betrayed, also acknowledge that people often cheat because of insecurity. They did not feel lovable, so they sought that affection and affirmation elsewhere. It is not enough to ask, how to rebuild trust in a relationship, but also how to restore the passion and love that was missing from it. Marriage counselors recommend going on a trip together and scheduling quality couple time every day. You don’t need to go on an elaborate date. Even just cuddling in bed and sharing your day before going to sleep can help you reconnect. Also Read: How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out

4. Take it One Day at a Time

Trust can Only be built over time, so it may take years before both of you feel that the shadow of infidelity has fully passed. Be patient and don’t give up on your relationship or on each other. Eventually, the fact that you survived this rocky period in your marriage will forge the foundation of new and stronger trust in each other. Read More: How to Get a Man to Marry You