How to Rebuild Trust in Your Marriage After an Affair

I know that it can be difficult healing your marriage after an affair. One of the biggest problems that has to be addressed is the problem of trust. If your husband cheated on you, it is common to feel that you can’t trust him or uncertain if he will cheat again. But here I’d like to share a few tips that will help you restore the trust in your relationship and get your marriage back on the road to success.

Transparency Explained - I’ve said before that transparency is the key to rebuilding the trust in a relationship, but what exactly does this mean? Simply put, transparency is information about you and your thoughts that you freely offer to your spouse. This is information that the other person doesn’t have to ask for, beat around the bush about, or otherwise work to get out of you. This is just what’s on your mind at any given moment.

This is a two-way street as well. Both you and your spouse will need to agree to start practicing transparency. It can’t just be one of you otherwise it may come to feel like a punishment for the affair. True healing isn’t about guilting or punishing your spouse for cheating, but rather about rising above the pettiness of getting even and building a relationship that works.

Being Transparent - If, for example, you wanted to go out with your friends for dinner after work, you would simply tell your spouse this as an act of transparency. If your spouse has questions about where you are going or who will be there, freely and readily offer up any details. Remember, that you have nothing to hide, so you shouldn’t have any problems with explaining or elaborating.

Being Transparent as Equals - Remember again that the purpose of transparency isn’t to humiliate your spouse or to keep him on a shorter lease in order to punish him. Transparency is an act of respect. This should never turn into a game of asking for permission to do something.

Both of you are married and share a life together. It is respectful to let each other know what you are doing so that the other can plan accordingly. Things will go a lot smoother if you tell your husband that you’re meeting some friends after work so that he knows not to surprise you with your favorite dinner tonight.

This is really just about basic communication and shouldn’t be seen or used as some kind of power play or a way to “keep and eye on” your unfaithful partner out of distrust.

By using this code of transparency in your relationship, your marriage will start to improve. This may seem like obvious information, but for many that were raised in dysfunctional families or have trouble communicating and sharing their needs and desires, this is a simple practice that can help bring you and your spouse closer together. Over time, the trust and communication in your marriage will improve and you can actually build a loving relationship on this foundation.