Sex, Relationship and The Single Woman

The Institute of Marriage is not to be entered into lightly. A marriage is about longevity, not about a weekend fling. It should not be entered into with thoughts of, "oh, if it doesn't work out, we can always get a divorce". It is an institution of love, commitment, respect and understanding. This means that excess emotional baggage, which includes childhood issues, past relationship issues and adult insecurities should be worked through before taking that final leap into a committed marriage.

As a thirty-one year old single woman, there has not been one single moment with a guy that I have not been asked, "So, why are you still single"? My answer, "Because I choose to be". The reply always throws them off guard, because they are waiting to hear a response along the lines of, "I haven't found Mr. Right", or "All good men are either married or gay". But these men are never prepared to hear that a woman is single because she chooses to be.

We live in an era where Sex and the City reigns and the plight of the single woman seeking Mr. Big, I mean, Mr. Right is analyzed to bits. While I will be the first to admit that the show is one of my guilty pleasures, it does portray single women in a negative light. Why can't women be successful and chose to be single at the same time without being in a rush to get married and have a bunch of babies? As popular as the show was, it failed to portray women as being happily single. Samantha was the closest. Of course, this is the kind of woman that most men will not marry.

Why? She is not wife material. Instead, they want the woman who is anxious or maybe desperate to get married and have babies. That is an insecure man.

Unfortunately, these women are the ones that will often fall into the statistics of having been cheated on by their husbands. They were so driven to get married and start a family that they did not take the time to really get to know their partners. As a result, important emotional issues were over-looked. Some of these men were taught that it's ok to have a wife at home while having a few women on the side and as long the wife doesn't find out, then it's ok. Maybe they witnessed their father cheating on their mother in the same manner and they grew up thinking that if Dad did it then it must be ok. A lot of times these men grow up being disgusted by their father's behaviour, but felt powerless to do anything about it.

Having a committed partner is more desirable than a partner who will be faithful, because, women if your partner is committed to you, he will also be faithful. But how do you ensure that he will be committed? You will know this through honest and direct communication. Ask the hard questions, do not leave any stone untu
ed. This is going to be your life long partner, you need to know every thing there is to know. There should only be inconsequential surprises during the actual marriage. Work through your emotional baggage before you enter into a relationship. That way you will be more receptive to red flags that signal a deeper emotional issue. This is not to say that you won't have emotional issues, but the issues should be the ones that can only be worked through while you are in a relationship because that is the only place where you will realize that you do have some left-over, unresolved issues.

Many women and men are afraid of being alone. Yet, this is very important if we want to choose a proper mate. Get to know yourself first. If you do not spend some time alone with yourself, then how will you know who you are? How will you know your likes and dislikes? Furthermore, how are you going to try and get to know someone else if you do not know yourself, much less marry that person? That is a recipe for infidelity, because the relationship was not based on a solid foundation.

Women, fall in love with yourself first before falling in love with someone else. Be committed to your personal growth and your personal welfare. Spend some quality time with yourself. Take yourself out on a date, travel to some exotic location by yourself or just simply stay home and be comfortable doing so. By working on your relationship with yourself, you can then begin to work on a relationship with someone else, who has personal integrity, respect for himself and respect for you. When you are committed to your life, you develop an inherent respect for yourself, an independence that will prove to be a strong elixir not for Mr. Right, but for your perfect lifetime partner. And because of your commitment to yourself, not only is he committed to himself, he will step into your life and be committed to you and only you.