How to Repair a Relationship Broken by Addiction

Relationships and addiction are different in regards to the environments in which they thrive. Transparency and trust form a firm foundation for the future of two people making a go of it in this world. Addiction thrives in the shadows, where it can remain hidden from the light of day. Often these distinct worlds collide and leave a relationship in tatters. How does the partnership repair the damage and move forward once a person attempts to deal with their addictive nature? Ring Fencing Trust takes time to rebuild from the lies that come with an addictive lifestyle. A straight forward step two people can take in the initial stages of healing is ring fencing. This is a common business practice that has asset protection schemes in place either for regulatory reasons or to build customer confidence in growing companies. In essence, it takes part of the cash at hand and puts it out of reach for daily expenditures. For the couple, a significant portion of mutual assets are placed out of reach of the person in recovery. This helps in preventing relapse and lets the other individual regain trust quicker because they are less exposed should a stumble occur. Mutual Twelve Steps Support groups exist where both people can heal. The twelve steps have been around for alcoholics and other people dealing with an addictive nature. Now for their partners and loved ones come support groups in which they gain the tools to prevent them from enabling the other party. A preventive and therapeutic step towards the future are these meetings. Checking In Scheduling consistent contact builds back trust in the relationship. The person in recovery knows that they cannot get away with a prolonged relapse if they choose to be in constant touch. Their loved ones get visual confirmation that the person in recovery is still around. This accelerates the healing process and lets a couple know early on if they can be comfortable with each other once again. Allow for Anger Both sides may harbor hostility towards their partner. The former addict has to deal with the core issues, regaining trust, and other long range goals. Trust issues and betrayal are just the tip of the iceberg of issues their partners must handle. Anger will be there. Healing couples cannot be afraid of the range of emotions that will arise. Anger is expected and as a result should not be circumvented when tempers occasionally flare up. Repairing Past Wrongs Feelings of guilt and shame, no matter how far in the past their origin is, can take a serious toll on one’s health. For someone in recovery, these feelings may come from past hurt they’ve caused. Step 9 of the 12 Steps involves making amends with others for this very reason. It’s important to address and repair these wrongs, especially with loved ones. One’s sponsor or therapist can help them decide how and when to make the necessary amends. “Together, yet separate” is a modern dynamic for repair of a relationship ravaged by addiction. A significant chunk of mutual assets have to be protected. Support programs for even the person not under the spell of addiction help both people. Consistent and scheduled communication helps with peace of mind. Finally, when anger arises, the realization that it is a natural part of healing will help avoid the flare up from becoming complete explosions. The road may be long, but it is worth it for couples that decide to put this in the past and use these tips to move forward in their quest for healing as both individuals and as a unit.