How to Set a Personal Boundary

Our personal boundary is like the armor that allows us to make it through each day unscathed. Without it, our emotional well being is at great risk. People are able to access our emotions and do whatever they want with them. We also lose a lot of personal freedom, our lives becoming subject to the whims of other people. Learning how to set a definite, strong personal boundary is one of the keys to leading a successful, happy life.

You first need to find out if your personal boundary is weak. Ask yourself the following questions. Do you ever find it hard to say no? Do you care too much about the opinions of strangers? Do you often "go with the flow" to keep from having to feel anxious, even when you know you shouldn't? Are you over sensitive to possible social disapproval? Do you get too upset by other's negativity? Can someone say a single sentence to you and have you floored and incredibly upset?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, it's time to work on your personal boundary. The best way to build solid confidence and grow your boundary is to actively practice using it. Find situations where you'd usually back down or go along with people even though you don't want to. Assert yourself and tell everyone how you feel, regardless of whether or not they think it's cool or okay. You are just as much a human being as anyone else, and you deserve the same rights and self-worth that everyone else has.

For example, suppose that you normally get invited to several events on the weekend. You know it would be easier to only go to one or two functions, but you end up going to everything because you don't want to upset anyone. You often lose valuable sleep and peace of mind because you're worrying about pleasing everyone rather than yourself. The next time this happens, you should resolve to only pick what you can reasonably manage to attend. Don't be afraid to turn people down, even if they're your friends. If you can firmly say "no" to what you don't want - without negativity - you'll be surprised at how accepting people are of it.

To develop your personal boundary you have to literally create it. Decide what you are willing to do, and what you aren't willing to do, and stick to it, no matter what. Don't let people manipulate you into doing anything you don't want to do. People will treat you exactly how you expect to be treated. Treat others with respect, and expect nothing but respect in return. Remember, anyone who isn't willing to respect you by accepting your boundary and wishes doesn't deserve your time in the first place.