How Your Self- Esteem and Self Image Affect the Outcome

One of the major beliefs that stand in the way of our success is what we believe we deserve. Both our self-esteem and self image affect that belief and both can be improved upon.

Self esteem is about how you regard yourself at the deepest level

We develop our prominent world view by the age of five. And that world view is not controlled by us. We are influenced by those around us – our parents, their philosophy, the example they set, how they feel about us. Through the atmosphere in the home environment we develop how we feel about ourselves and the world around us – what we expect to receive in that world. Are we a good kid, are we smart, are we safe, are we valued, are we encouraged, are we loved? So here we are at age whatever-we-are-now wondering what to do about our bouts of low self esteem.

The key to success in life is to recognize the existence of the problem in the first place

Take a reality check. We have the advantage of looking back to see what we have accomplished. Look at what you did do, not what you failed to achieve. Look for and acknowledge the gifts only you have been given in your unique package. And question where your self-doubts come from. Was that a fear of one of your parents? How did their beliefs influence yours? Question your beliefs. Question your assumptions. Look carefully at what you now believe and why you believe it then make a fresh choice based on who you are today and how you want to live your life. Then take total responsibility for what happens to you.

Self Image is how you think you measure up to those around you

Self image is a judgment you make of yourself. How you rate in the company of others. And guess what, there is always someone out there that can do more than you can better than you can. Self image definitely affects self-esteem but you can change that by taking a different view of your life so far.

Our self-esteem and self-image determine what we believe we deserve

Low self-esteem keeps us for asking for what we want. We don’t ask for more money for our product or service because we don’t think we deserve it. We’re not certain that what we have offered is important enough, or big enough or valuable enough. All that self doubt comes from low-self esteem. Whether you’re reluctant to raise your prices, or ask for a raise, or go for that new client, how you do it and if you succeed are determined by your attitude about yourself. Are you good enough, attractive enough, smart enough, strong enough, wise enough?

The level of your self esteem shows up in your choices. You picked the bummer boy friend because of low self esteem. You feel your boss doesn’t value you because of low self esteem. You don’t even approach a new opportunity because of low self esteem. It’s not the outside influence, it’s the inside influence – what you say to you about yourself. And you can change that self-talk.

Watch your language

Negative self-talk is the most detrimental thing we can do to ourselves. “I can’t do that.” “I have no friends because I’m not likable.” “The other person is smarter that I am.” Stop that! Stop that now!!!

When I first became aware of how strongly my language influenced my life experience I really had to practice saying more positive things – to others and to myself – about others and about myself. Sometimes I stopped myself in mid-sentence so I could change the negative direction my words were going. It’s not just your words; it’s your thoughts and your actions. That’s a lot to monitor but it can be done.

Maintain an Acknowledgment List

Count your baby steps. A friend of mine got a divorce after 35 years and she is not well prepared for the practical aspects of caring for herself. She had allowed herself to be very dependent on her husband and her self-esteem is extremely low. She has a long journey ahead of her to become self-sufficient. But she is doing it, one step at a time. One of the things she did to help herself was to keep an Acknowledgement List. Whether it was learning to change the furnace filters, or going to the class on Quicken, she keeps taking steps that will ultimately change her life experience. Count the baby steps. Count the things that were hard only for you but that you did anyway. Then acknowledge yourself for having achieved them. Perhaps you wrote one article out of the twenty you want to write, but one is good and it is forward motion. Acknowledge yourself. Give yourself credit for the steps you take, however large or small.

Stop comparing yourself with others

We are each uniquely different – thank goodness. If you see a quality in someone else that you admire, work on increasing that quality in yourself but don’t beat yourself up if you are only able to partially achieve your goal. You are your own unique mix and that has great value. But if you look at someone and say “I can never be that way” then stop it. Because you will never be just like someone else – and you don’t really want to. You are needed in the world just the way you are. Acknowledge and cherish your own uniqueness.

We have created our life experience

What we think, how we act, what we believe all influence how we experience our life. What you look for you will see more of. If you are looking for the things that could go wrong, you will find them. If you keep focused on positive possibilities they will show up. Your choices today, this very minute, affect your next experience. Choose well. It affects the outcome.

I think I can, I KNOW I can

Erase self doubt. Instead of telling yourself you think you can, shout out to yourself that you KNOW you can! Then go do it. All of us give ourselves some negative feedback from time to time. Listen to yourself. Listen to the words you speak and the thoughts you think and change them into positive affirmations of how truly great you are. We are each perfect just the way we are. We each contain our own unique blend of talents and skills, of beauty and strength. We are unique just like everyone else and we must learn to value ourselves for that uniqueness.

YOU are the primary force shaping you life. Love yourself. You deserve it.

© 2011 Cara Lumen