I am feeling better. How about you?

Feelings. All the self-help gurus tell us to feel our feelings. If we’ll just do that then we’ll stop overeating, we’ll stop smoking or gambling or shopping or whatever else we’re addicted to doing. We’ll be able to live in the moment, connect with ourselves, our children and our friends. We’ll be happy, rich, thin and successful.

But what in the world does it mean to “feel our feelings”. Is that even possible? We can feel the soft fur of our dog, the grass under our bare feet and the pint of ice cream in our bellies. But what about our emotions … our feelings? How is it even possible to feel something that has no substance? Or could it be that our feelings are nothing but substance?

In order to feel our feelings we convince ourselves that we have to name them. Are we angry, sad, frightened, joyous, silly, frustrated, cranky, or what? Yes. The answer is yes. We are all of those things and more. They don’t have to have a name … a photo ID or address. We don’t have to go hunting for them … they’ll find us. Trust me. Have you ever been watching TV and the main character does something silly or stupid and you find yourself crying? And you don’t know why? It’s a sitcom for goodness sakes … no crying allowed. So we take a deep breathe and start the litany of self talk that shuts down our feelings. Or maybe we go to the freezer for ice cream. Or maybe we just turn off the TV. Whatever we do, we don’t sit quietly and let those feelings bubble up. Let ourselves cry or laugh or stomp our feet. Feelings are knocking at our door and we’re just not answering it today. Sorry we’re closed.

“Just for today” is an old Alcoholics Anonymous expression. It means that just for today I will do something that would be overwhelming if I had to do it for a lifetime. So, just for today, and maybe just once today, take a moment to answer the door. Your feelings are knocking.