Improving Self Esteem

According to leading US psychologist Dr Nathaniel Branden there are six pillars of self esteem. A high level of self esteem is a consequence of following six fundamental internal practices that require ongoing self commitment. The six pillars are:

Living consciously: Respecting and adhering to every aspect of our needs and goals. Being able to accept facts that might otherwise be difficult to face. Make choices rather than hide from them.

Self acceptance: Being willing to openly accept all of our thoughts and feelings even if we don’t like them. Facing our mistakes and learning from them.

Self responsibility: Establishing a sense of control over our lives by accepting we are solely responsible for our choices and actions at every level. We are the only keepers of our own happiness, goals or values.

Self assertiveness: Being strong enough to stand by our deepest convictions. To speak and act appropriately in a manner that is in agreement with our thoughts and feelings.

Living purposefully: Choosing the path that our lives should follow rather than leaving everything to chance. Developing a level of self discipline that keeps our lives on track.

Integrity: The integration between our thoughts, our feelings and our actions so that everything we do is aligned with our beliefs.

Self esteem is a self reinforcing characteristic. Most of us are taught from an early age to pay far more attention to signals coming from other people than from within ourselves. We are encouraged to ignore our own needs and wants and to concentrate on living up to other people’s expectations. Self esteem requires us to listen to and respect our own sensations, insights, intuition and perspectives.

When we have confidence in our own ability to think and act effectively we can cope better with life’s challenges. Result: We succeed more often that we fail. We form more nourishing relationships. We get more of what we want, more out of life and more from ourselves.

High self-esteem can never be given to a person by another person or society. It must be sought, 'earned' by the individual for him or herself

The key is to:
Set goals
Aim for accomplishments rather than perfectio

Recognize what you can change and what you can't
View mistakes as learning opportunities

By using thhe six pillars from Dr Branden we can reframe the elements into a choice we make about our lives. You will find it useful to say each of these six choices to yourself each day.

Living Consciouslyn‘Even though I have not paid attention to my own thoughts and hidden from difficult choices I now choose to live consciously and enjoy respecting my own needs and goals.’

Self Acceptancen‘Even though I sometimes avoid facing the consequences of my own thoughts and actions I now choose to fully accept all of my own thoughts, feelings and actions as being important to me.’

Self Responsibilityn ‘Even though I allow others to influence my thoughts, goals and happiness I now choose to take complete ownership of every part of my life and be proud of my accomplishments.’

Self Assertivenessn‘Even though I shy away from speaking my deepest convictions in times of adversity I now choose to be true to myself and believe in the worthiness of my values.’

Living Purposefullyn‘Even though I have allowed parts of my life to be left to the mercy of chance I now choose to create goals and desires and to find creative meaningful way to fulfil my ambitions.’

Integrityn‘Even though I have not always acted in accordance with my beliefs and ideals I now choose for all my actions to be aligned with my beliefs, my goals and my choices.’

“Success is not dependant of perfect circumstances, but the nconsistent, persistent desire to achieve the goal.”

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