Is Marital Infidelity Genetically Determined?

According to the news today, marital fidelity in males has a genetic component. About 40 percent of the men studied exhibited a genetic makeup that made it more difficult for them to establish intimate, long-term relationships and strong family ties. The other 60% (who lacked that particular genetic makeup) reported closer, more stable and intimate relationships. The wives of the 40% who had the genetic marker reported being far less satisfied with their relationships than those who have partnered with men who lacked it. So, is it possible that satisfaction with you relationship (whether you're a man or a woman) is genetically determined?

Let's start looking at this question by exploring a phenomenon that Marcus Buckingham wrote about in Now Discover Your Strengths. 42 days after conception, a four-month process begins that concludes with the formation of 120,000,000,000 (that's right: one humred and twenty billion) new neurons. From two months before birth until around age three, each of your hundred billion neurons creates up to about fifteen thousand connections. However, between ages three and sixteen, in Buckingham's words, "you become so inattentive to parts of your mental network" that you lose half of your synaptic network. And they're gone forever.

The basic point I'm wanting to make here consists in the fact that both 'nature' (genetics) and 'nurture' (environment) contribute to the makeup of each organism. Not only does each one contribute to the other, but they also mutually determine one another. The loss of neural synapses under the influence of your environment is called 'neural Darwinism' because it suggests the survival of only the 'fittest' neural connections. Therefore, even at the most basic and fundamental levels, 'genetic determinism' just isn't.

The next issue with regard to genetic influence relates to how genetic predispositions can affect us. There are a lot of ways in which our genetic makeup can have an impact on the way you live your life. No one is free of genetic 'defects'. Everyone has something to deal with, from genetic deformities to allergies to the way people process information. You may find yourself categorizing genetic characteristics as 'normal' or 'abnormal', 'advantages' or 'disadvantages', etc., all depending on you point of view. For some, Down' Syndrome is a genetic defect; yet, for the parents of these children, they're among the most purely loving (and lovable) creatures on the planet. People apply the terms 'defects' and 'difficulties' rather randomly, depending on their own peculiar perspective.

I'd like to compare the genetic predisposition to infidelity to a similar genetic predisposition: that toward alcoholism. Once a person becomes aware of their genetic predisposition and its effects on his or her life, it becomes possible for the person to address the predisposition with both corrective and preventive action. It means that, if you have either (or both) of these predispositions, you're going to have to work harder just to stay on a par with those who do not carry that predisposition. There's no 'cure' for a genetic predisposition (like alcoholism); it's something that needs to be addressed on a daily basis. It requires awareness, acceptance, courage, and support. With time and understanding, the predisposition does not have to control the person; rather the reverse.

What does all this have to do with your midlife? Only that under the pressures of the midlife transition, where nothing seems to satisfy and even your greatest gifts feel like great burdens, stresses on your primary relationship can very quickly and easily mount to the breaking point. When these things happen, it's critical that you not give yourself the excuse that 'I'm not the marrying kind" and 'I'm better off alone." Even with the genetic predisposition — especially with the genetic predisposition — to have less intimate and lasting relationships, at midlife the pressure to overcome your natural genetic tendencies becomes critical. You can't afford to make life-altering decisions based on a genetically-induced whim; any more than it makes sense for an alcoholic to turn back to drink when his or her fortunes take a downturn.

Love, particularly at midlife, can't be just an emotion. Emotions alone are too easily manipulated by exte
al or internal influences beyond our control The basis of your primary relationship has got to rest in a firm decision to make it a lasting one. That doesn't mean that decision can never be changed, but it must never be changed under the influence of a whim (like buying a little red Corvette) or of an untamed rogue gene. It's funny how life works, isn't it? As age begins removing all the more superficial reasons for loving another, what remains is the core essence of the person: the root and stem of your loving relationship. Only a deep connection with the person him- or her-self will allow you be the kind of support to one another in the way you've promised: for better or worse, for richer or poor, in sickness or in health, until death. Now that's love!