It's 3 am again, and I'm wide awake ... the cycle of grief after a major life transition

"Show me where it hurts," God said,
and every cell in my body burst into tears
before His tender eyes.
Rab'ia

It’s bad enough that life is turned upside down after a separation. Breathing hurts; you’re on an emotional roller coaster, your whole life is turned upside down, and on top of that you can’t sleep? Do you find yourself waking up at 3 am every morning and falling asleep again around 5 am? Well meaning people tell you that Time heals all wounds, but when you haven’t even had time yet, the well meaning phrase sends you into a worse depression.

What do you do during this sleepless time? It is helpful to begin by understanding that your body is reacting normally to an abnormal –and highly stressful—event. (Even if you initiated the separation). All of the systems of the body go into fight-flight-freeze mode, and your brain releases a cascade of chemicals to help you go through this transition time.

Here are some ideas to help you in those wee hours of the morning:

1.- Whatever you do, make sure you don’t call your ex! Your mind and your emotions are probably going over all that has happened, all that went wrong, and it can be a time of torturing yourself. Call a friend instead!

2. Use all of your senses to help you. Play soft music, use some soothing flower essences, give yourself a foot massage.

3. Now’s the time for all those relaxation techniques you have probably been learning. Breathe deeply, sending oxygen all the way to the bottom of the lungs. That brings more oxygen up to the brain, which activates the Relaxation response. It’s easy to hold your breath without noticing to feel safe. But it doesn't work. So breathe all the air out in a long breath and wait for a moment before inhaling again. Try to slowly deepen your breathing. Maybe you won’t fall asleep, but you’ll feel more relaxed.

4. Avoid alcohol or illegal drugs. While they may initially put you to sleep, they will disturb the processing that the brain can do at night. Resist the temptation for sleeping pills, it's best not to medicate grief, it will only prolong the process.

5. Keep away from Romantic Movies on TV, and from unhappy couples. Distract yourself with more hopeful things, something that helps you feel empowered.

6. Count your blessings, even though it may be hard at first. You might also try praying quietly in bed, or loudly. Ask for help.

7. Learn some simple Energy Psychology techniques to help the body, the emotions and the mind calm down. Seek the help of a therapist or Energy Psychology practitioner.

Energy Psychology is especially useful to get relief for fears, phobias, anxieties, traumatic memories, guilt, grief, sadness and depression. Further, Energy Psychology often provides relief for a very wide range of physical symptoms that come from our emotional state. It is also easy to learn.