Growing Pains

There are no perfect relationships because there are no perfect people. However, that your relationships will never be perfect does not mean you have to settle for relationships that are pathetic.

You can cultivate perfectly imperfect relationships in which no one commits offenses so great that those offenses cannot be redressed by confession, forgiveness, and a sincere commitment to better ways of living.

Strengthening such a relationship can strengthen your character.

Some relationships should be dissolved rather than developed. But whether a relationship is extended or ended, you as an individual can grow as you go through the difficult process of dealing with interpersonal conflict.

The problem in most relationships isn't that there are problems per se. It's the problematic ways in which those problems are addressed.

Many relationships could be improved if those in them were more determined not to destroy them. It would also help tremendously if they shared common and constructive approaches to problem-solving.

For example, a couple might agree to be patient and forgiving of each other; fully accountable for their respective actions; talk honestly without yelling, cursing or insulting one another; listen carefully to each other; seek advice from others they trust and respect; and not deem a matter as solved until both of them are genuinely happy with the solution.

These are just a few strategies for sustaining and strengthening a perfectly imperfect relationship even during its roughest moments, and your life can be enhanced by enacting such strategies.

However, a mutual desire to work through problems is not required for you as an individual to prosper through problem-solving. You can grow no matter what someone else is or is not doing.

The key to keeping to the high ground of personal growth and excellence is to be driven by an indomitable desire to grow no matter what you are going through.

You must not allow yourself any excuse for doing otherwise. Do not resort to blaming other people or "the situation."

Always be fully accountable for your actions and fully awake to the awareness that you do not have to follow all the dictates of your feelings, fears, frustrations, family, friends, or foes.

Control yourself or you will be controlled by all kind of folk and forces.

Change or delay your response or do not respond at all when it becomes clear, for whatever reason, that you are only pouring fuel on the flames.

Will yourself to gain wisdom from your wealth of experiences, remembering that what does not kill you can make you stronger if you do not allow it to kill your passion for and pursuit of progress.

If it truly means more to you to step up to a challenge and stand out as a champion of better living, then do not stoop to the level of acrimony, antagonism, and aggression.

Look for the positives in all situations, and you may find as many positives in you.

And if giving your best becomes a burden you can no longer bear, exit the relationship gracefully, leaving your dignity and self-respect firmly intact.