Life As A Bipolar Mother And Wife

Being a parent is a hard job. Being a parent to 5 children is an even harder job. Being a parent to 5 children while coping with being bipolar can some days seem impossible. Downright impossible.

I won't lie.

There are some days I would rather smash that alarm clock and crawl back inside myself before even thinking of dragging myself out of bed. These days don't happen every day, but they happen enough. The days where I just don't feel strong enough or tough enough, or brave enough to endure what's to occur that day. Those days when I wish it could be just me. No responsibility, no children, no husband, no work to do, just me and my warm comforting bed.

But even on "those" days I find the strength inside myself, that energy I don't think I have to get out of bed, to awaken my children and begin the day. On those days they are my very strength, my motivation, my force and will to move forward. And on those days I do continue to move and do what is needed. I wake them all up and serve them breakfast. I get the big ones off to school, and then I simply sit down with the younger ones and cuddle.

And cuddle and hug and cuddle some more. We sit back and watch the shows they wanna watch. We eat snacks at hours much to early to be eating snacks. And we simply exist. I am sure my two youngest ones truly love these days. The days when mommy doesn't really want to do anything, so she doesn't do anything but cuddle and love them.

And then, and always then, the realization kicks in that they need to be getting ready for school.

They need to get dressed, they need a million things done all at once. But I do it. I get them ready for school, and wave goodbye to my little ones as they ride away on the school bus and wonder what to do with myself. I know what I should be doing with myself, things like working or cleaning or the million other things in my life that need doing, but I cannot bring myself to do it. So, I take a nap. And I wait for them to return. All 5 racing through the door and the house becomes alive again till the silence of night sets in and I can think once more.

Of course, like I said earlier, not all days are like this. There are the ones on the other end of the spectrum. The ones where mommy is in a manic mood and feels like peeling off her skin. The days where my mind races, my heart races and it doesn't seem like I can get enough done. And I get an amazing amount of things done. And I am grateful for the day to end. And hopeful that night will bring sleep. And that even though I feel like I am going crazy, that maybe just maybe, the kids didn't notice it today.

And everyday continues on like this. Some days more then others. Other days not so much. Of course, in and amongst all this is my loving husband who somehow manages to keep some level of normalcy in my home, even when I don't feel like I will ever be normal, or that my kids will ever even know what a "normal" mom is like. My loving husband who is always the first one to turn to me and say, it's okay, take some time to you, take some time to simply go off and regain yourself. And often, with his love and support I do.

I slip away to my room where I cry, or I scream or I simply pass out into oblivion because the stress of the day, the mood of the day has simply worn me too thin.

But in the end I am happy. And so are they. Some days I am off, and simply want to love them to bits. Other days I am so busy hustling and bustling using up every ounce of energy I have, that I am sure they wish I would just stop moving if just for a moment.

Overall though, I wouldn't change a thing. I am me, they are them, and we are a family. We are not the picture perfect family you see on television and probably never will be, but we're a family none the less. With 5 children, a father and a bipolar mother.