As a mother of three small children, coach, teacher, writer, and entrepreneur, I have often been drawn to the notion of living in abundance. I wanted it all- the full house of happy children, the handsome and supportive husband, and the thriving and meaningful career. OK, I do have most of that. But, what about the cash? The ever flowing wads of green stuff so we can buy whatever we want, donate without feeling the pinch, and not having to make either/or choices about our money. These feelings and desires inspired me to discuss some strategies and tools with you that have been helping me shift my beliefs around living in abundance. When the beliefs changed, the abundance began manifesting in my world.
There are scores of articles, books, seminars about abundance and money out there. And I don't want to regurgitate information that you can easily get elsewhere. But, I do want to focus on an aspect of attracting more abundance, including money, that I think gets overlooked. It is about giving and receiving. Abundance is based on these two components. You must give and receive to create the cycle or flow of abundance. If you are doing just one, the system breaks down. If you give with fear and receive with resentment, you are blocking the flow.
Just observing how comfortable you are with these two seemingly opposite actions can significantly shift your beliefs and therefore, energy, around abundance, and let the cycle continue. It will unclog the drain and let the waters flow again.
Growing up I was told it was better to give than to receive. As a mother, it seemed to be a requirement. You better give, and who knows when you will receive. You give to your children, your spouse, your friends, your family, your local charities, your community, and so on. As a mother you can literally give until it hurts. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
Now, there is nothing wrong with giving. Giving is essential. What you give is not important. It is how you give that makes the impact. Do you give from obligation or joy? Guilt or love? Fear or fullness? Do you give with an expectation that you better get something back or without expectation? Do you give to impress or with inner peace? The energy that goes into giving will dictate not only how you feel but how the receiver feels. If giving with the energy of fear or love, all are affected.
But, why is there a trend to give with resentment when we know giving is good for everyone? My theory is that mothers, and women in general, give from a half-empty, if not completely dry, tank. We run our engine without thought of filling up. Most of us would never expect our cars to run for a very long time without going to the gas station to fill up. We know to constantly fuel our kids up so that they "run" more healthily. But, what about us? We literally treat our cars better than ourselves.
You've probably heard all this before, but have you really stopped to feel the impact of how not filling up affects your energy around giving?
Now, how about receiving. That is usually the one with which we have the most challenges. That's the gas we need to run the car to do the giving that we so want to do. How do you receive things? Are you comfortable receiving? Do you feel that you deserve to receive?
Here's an example. I had a gathering of moms over a while back. I had served some snacks, drinks, created a nice atmosphere. Everyone had a great time including myself. I was giving and feeling good about it. Then at the end, my friend told me she had such a great time and thanked me. I could have said "You're welcome. See you soon.", but my knee jerk response was to say "It was nothing, Thank you for coming!" You may not see the difference here. It is deliberately deceptive. I realized afterward that I was not receiving her compliment. I was not letting her give me something. I felt undeserving of the thanks. I also had a false sense of power being the ultimate giver- the super mom who needs nothing and gives everything. After a time, I ran-out of fuel and felt resentful and martyred.
What to do? Here's a practical exercise: Get a small notebook that you can bring with you, if possible, or if not, use at the end of the day. Whenever you give or receive something, write it down in the notebook. Everything you give or receive. I'm talking money, food, clothes, advice, compliments, tickets, toys, kisses, hugs, insults everything! Now in the beginning, just record what they are and whether it was given or received. You could make two columns for ease of use. You'll be surprised what you write for just one day. Do this for a few days until you see a trend of how much you observe as given and received.
Once you get into this habit of recording, add this next element. With each item given or received, record the feelings you observe. The first feelings- not the ones you think you should have, but the ones that come in the beginning. That will give you a clue into how you really feel and the energy you put out.
You may find that you feel good when you receive a compliment, but then go into self-criticism almost immediately. That is good information! Remember to not judge yourself for your discoveries. This is all information gathering here. It is helping you to get an understanding of why this flow of abundance is not flowing your way. It is helping you diagnose so you can later make new choices for yourself. It is a tool to stop the knee-jerk programming you have been working under for so long.
The key is to feel good with giving and feel great with receiving. That is keeping the flow of living in abundance in all forms. The flow that is meant for you.