STOP CHATTING AND ASK FOR THE HOME PHONE NUMBER!

Hey Doc,

A waitress I like works at a restaurant I go to a lot. I gave her my business card and on a couple of occasions after that, we spoke about going out sometime. She was very open to the idea.

Before leaving town for a holiday, she gave me her cell phone number. I called her and we had a nice chat. When she got back, we talked a little about her vacation while I was at the restaurant. Later that evening, we had a long chat over the phone.

I eventually called her and asked her out. She responded by asking, "Why me?" I explained that I wanted to get to know her better. When I mentioned that we would go to the theatre, she seemed to like the idea. She then asked me when I needed to know for certain whether or not she could go because she wasn't sure about the whole thing and wanted to think it over very carefully. I said that the earlier she told me the better because I was getting the tickets and I wanted the best seats.

She called me the next night to say that she had thought a lot about my offer, and though she would love to go to the theatre, she had to respectfully decline. She was sorry for disappointing me, but she didn't think it was a good idea to mix business and pleasure. I told her that I understood and I respected her wishes. She thanked me a lot for being so understanding and that very few men were as understanding as I was. We carried on a while longer, having a whole other chat.

Though we didn't go out, she was very nice and decent about the whole thing. All in all, I think things ended nicely. What do you think, Doc?

Frederick - who wants to know what his next move is

Hi Frederick,

If you were only interested in a chatting partner, then things went great, but if you were looking for a girlfriend, I'd say you failed miserably. Chatting was all you ever did with this girl, Frederick. Well, at least no one could ever accuse you of coming on too heavy!

You remind me of certain salesmen from my selling days who could put on a beautiful presentation but never close the deal. Chatting is fine when you lack crucial details about a woman (like her name) but after a while, the chatting has to cease and you have to ask for the order - the woman's home phone number.

Notice that I said: ask for her home phone number - not her work number or cell phone number. Why? Because only the home phone number demonstrates sufficient female Interest Level; the other numbers are meant to appease you and keep you at arm's length (not to mention that they are prone to problems such as sudden disconnections due to angry bosses or freeway overpasses).

So, as you can see, Frederick; you asked what your second move was, when in reality, you had not even made your first move.

But neglecting to ask for her home phone number wasn't your only error. Giving this lady your business card and repeatedly talking about going out (before actually making a date) also hurt your cause.

Women love confidence. But when a man tries to broach the subject of dating by dropping hints, it makes him appear timid. Rightly or wrongly, she perceives his business cards and his nebulous suggestions to "go out sometime" as cowardly measures to avoid her disapproval. As a man, you must have the guts to brave rejection and ask the woman out directly. You must act as if her opinion doesn't affect you. In fact, it doesn't. Why not? Because you only care about finding that lucky woman who has high Interest Level in you; you're not trying to get the approval of every woman in town.

Before you think I will only devote space in my column to pick on you, Frederick, let me say that your girl's record isn't clean either. First, she threw you a curve ball when she asked, "Why me?" It's hard to find a better indicator of low Interest Level than a girl playing dumb after you ask her out. I'll bet she even fluttered her eyelashes for dramatic effect!

Then she said to you: "I need to think it over very carefully." You only asked her out to the theatre, not to move to Mongolia! This girl gets an "A" in Women's Stalling Techniques 101. "Needing to think" about going out on a date is Womanese for: "I've already forgotten about it!"

Then she added, "Thank you for your understanding," Which was Womanese for: "Thank you for not going berserk on me like the last guys I tricked." First, she waits until the absolute last minute to tell you she never had high Interest Level in you - then she thanks you for excusing her behavior through your words. You made her work so easy! This is a good example of, as the column title states: "Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Listen."

By settling for this girl's cell phone number instead of her home phone number, and for chats instead of a real date, you swallowed this girl's hooks whole! And being the big fish that you are, Frederick, you kept biting - hoping that eventually, she would pull you into her love boat. Instead, you ended up on a tramp steamer. As my Uncle Jethro Love would say, "She worked you over good, boy!"

It's truly shocking how you were so pleased over nothing, Frederick - but that's why I was put on earth: to make sure that you good guys out there never get confused or rejected again! As for your next move, Frederick, flush that number down the toilet where it belongs, eat at another restaurant, and only chat with the women who date you!

Remember, guys - in sales or in dealing with women, you've got to "Close, close, close."

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