HAVE YOU EVER HEARD "I AM MY HUSBAND'S WIFE" ON TALK RADIO?

Women Don't Lie - Men Don't Liste

Dear Doc,

I think my wife has lost interest in me. I'm 36 years old, and I've been married for almost twelve years. Lately, I have been feeling that every bit of energy she has either goes into our two children, or into keeping her girl friends happy.

Don't get me wrong - I want to give everything to my kids too, but at this time in my life, I also need some closeness with my wife. I feel she does love me, but she never seems to have any time for me. How do I light her fire so she will want me again? Thanks.

Marty - who isn't happily married

Hi Marty,

Dr. Laura talks about the need for parents to take responsibility for their children and spend time with them - which I like - but she leaves out one person's needs: the husband's. Why do I say this? Because I never hear her say: "I am my husband's wife."

Obviously, some of the wife's time and attention should go to the kids - this is a sign of a good mother; but being a good wife to one's husband is equally important. This is the point that Dr. Laura neglects.

Marty, at one time or another, every couple with rug rats in the house wrestles with the problem of maintaining romance - this is normal. The problem arises when the wife would rather spend her available moments with her girlfriends than her husband. This huge red flag indicates that her Interest Level may be down in the 40-49% range. Let's hope your wife's Interest Level isn't that low; do what I say and my techniques will help you find out for sure.

Marty, one of the most underreported crimes in the world is marital fraud. The woman agrees to marry a man though she does not love him; meanwhile, the man only learns of her lack of feelings after the kids are born. My statistics show that one fourth of married women were not in love with their husbands before they walked up to the altar of love. In these instances, the men projected their own feelings onto their fianc?s, and in the process got hoodwinked.

Most of the women who commit marital fraud wrongfully believe "I will love him with time" What hogwash! If there isn't at least some minor attraction (51% Interest Level) in the beginning the relationship, it will never work - even if the couple is stuck on a desert island. If this describes your case, you neither have the fire nor the wood to rekindle your relationship.

Hopefully, Marty, your wife married you for another reason, namely: she had high Interest Level in you (well above 50% - preferably in the nineties). If this is the case, then somewhere down the road, you lowered her feelings through not practicing self-control, confidence, or Challenge.

If your wife's Interest Level is still above 50%, Marty, there is hope for you two. But if it has dipped below 50%, then nothing will raise it. Like an old, dead car battery, a heart with low Interest Level cannot be recharged - no matter how many jumps you give it.

One way to discover whether your wife still loves you is to date her again. Start by surprising her with tickets to a concert or other event that you know she likes. Now, since we don't know if her lack of time for you is a valid excuse or a red flag, you'll make your dates far in advance to find out. By you checking your wife's calendar four to five weeks before the date and having a babysitter already lined up, there can be no reasonable excuse for her to get out of her appointment. If she does make excuses, then your romantic relationship is over.

Marty, if there is any chance of kick starting your relationship with your wife, then you must start treating her differently than you have in the past. Of the three male strength qualities I've already mentioned, my guess is that you - like most men - haven't been practicing Challenge within your heavenly union. Let's change that now.

From now on, back off from your wife, both physically and psychologically. Why should you do this? So she will choose romantic evenings with you over shopping with her girlfriends.

Instead of begging or arguing with your wife for affection (which never works), let her initiate contact. In other words: don't touch her unless she touches you first, and let her be the one to bring up sex. During this time, display a happy attitude. After a while - depending on how low her Interest Level is - your wife should return to her senses and come onto you. If she doesn't, you have a massive problem.

Marty, if after all this, you're still unsure whether your wife has low Interest Level, then watch for signs that show she doesn't respect you. These signs include staring at other men and putting you down - in public, in front of her friends, or the worst - in front of your children.

If you determine that your wife's heart is permanently frozen, then, depending on whether or not your religion forbids it, you may decide that divorce is your only alte
ative. Of course, you could choose to live as a martyr for the rest of your life, being used as her punching bag and sleeping in a deep freeze every night - but ask yourself: is this good for your children? If you do go down this route, try to make life more bearable by keeping a positive disposition, especially in front of your kids. For me, personally - I will never choose such a life and follow the advice of my cousin, Fast Eddie Love who says: "I will not live with a woman who does not love me." Ultimately, Marty, the decision is yours.