Loving Our Self More

I just had a conversation with a friend about the idea of finding love. She said that you can't find someone to love without being able to love yourself first. In fact, many people say that. As I was driving home from my visit I was reflecting on this statement. I feel we all have aspects of ourselves that we don’t like or that are fragile. We have qualities and faults that are certainly not perfect.

But we can still find someone to love. Sometimes, however, we attract and choose people that bring out negative feelings in us. Being judged, criticised or ignored by the one we love makes us feel shame and the need to be on the defense. Being with someone that lacks understanding or involvement will tend to make us act out or withdraw. Negative feelings are a habit, so we end up choosing someone that keeps us in our “comfort zone” by stirring these insecurities for us. And we will activate these emotions again and again if we don’t begin to pay attention.

These negative feelings could have come from our childhood. Regardless, we have an on-going responsibility to our selves now to find someone to love us for all that we are--in spite of our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. Just as much as we need to pay attention to our weaknesses in order to move through them, so does the person we choose to love.

No one is perfect. My favorite expression is that we are perfectly human; faults and all. But what makes us perfectly human is that we cry, we smile, we create dreams and we yearn for more. We care, we love, we dislike. We have fears, we get confused, and we become angry. We judge, we compare, and we strive. We question ourselves, we are confident, we get insecure, we are optimistic, we doubt, we get discouraged, and we find solutions. There is perfection in all that.
So, the goal is, the person we find to love and to love us back will value the good in us and respect and understand our weaknesses and vulnerabilities. It's just as important we do that for ourselves. If we spend more time accepting and honoring all that we are, we will be determined to attend to our needs more effectively. We will also gain the power and pleasure not only to love our selves more but to welcome a loving partner or relationship that will respect and cherish us, and support us as we move forward in our lives.

Creative Solution to Loving Our Self More
• Pay attention/observe
• Catch yourself in self-doubt or self-belittling
• Notice what these thoughts are making you feel
• Breathe in compassion and reassurance, and exhale judgment
• Move towards self-praise, self-approval and gratitude
• Find Solutions - Have Fun - Enjoy Nature