How to Deal with the Bullies in Your Life

Recently, many articles have explored the painful relationship between bullies and their victims. Often rooted in childhood, the consequences are far-reaching and almost never ending for victim and bully. Patterns endure and ultimately define both adult conscious and subconscious behavior. As a result, many of us play the part of the victim in our daily dramas. When bad things happen, we are the victim asking: Why me? If friends exhaust us, we accept the role of the victim: Yes, I’m sure; I don’t mind. If spouses and children take advantage of our good natures, we say, I know you had a hard day. I’ll do it for you. This agreeableness stems from having inadequate self-esteem, our need to please and be well- liked; after all, that’s what bullies have done to us: reduced us, embarrassed us, mocked us and controlled us.n

Bullies come in different guises. They are not always big, Neanderthal creatures towering over us and browbeating us into submission. They could be small, fragile and old. You laugh and claim, “I’m not intimidated by a little old lady!” However, if that little woman were your mother, teacher, or doctor, you just might be. After all, you have given up your power and internalized the criticism or judgment. And no matter what you do in life, in your heart you feel that you will never be good enough, that you have missed the boat and that Murphy’s Law governs your life.n

Practicing self-awareness will lead you to honestly and objectively identify the self-destructive pattern in order to stand up for yourself. This will compel you to assume responsibility for your actions and to learn from your suffering. You will need to free yourself from the past story, not to forget it, for that would be impossible, but to release its sting and the hold it has taken of your life. You will need to reinterpret it like a nightmare to which you attach a happy ending. Here are some suggestions to help you break the pattern of the perpetual victim:n