Marriage, Adultery & Soul Mates—It’s Natural to be Attracted to Someone Other Than Your Spouse

A client of ours told us that she is comfortable with nnot committing adultery. She says that the bible nindicates that lusting after another is still considered nadultery; the intent and interest is still there, so she’d nfeel guilty about doing even that. She feels that since nshe married her husband, she should be entirely focused non loving him and no one else.

However, she says that her twin soul mate is on the nother side (deceased), and that she has a very strong nconnection to him and can’t keep from thinking of nhim and wanting him sexually.

She asked us if we think her love for her twin soul nmate would be considered adulterous, even though nshe says she has never even met him in person (in nthis life).

She said she’s trying to train herself to focus strictly non platonic love with her twin soul mate, but it isn’t neasy as she keeps reverting back to wanting him nromantically.

We recommended that she reassess her belief of “twin nsoul mates” (or “twin flames,” etc. as some call them) nas it’s debatable whether or not it’s a New Age myth.
Although there are different kinds of soul mates, the nconcept of one, perfect, fulfilling, ultimate loveninterest for each person is rooted in distorted idealismnrather than truth, as many in our field involving pastnlive research have found.

A twin flame or twin soul is thought to be a soul who n“completes” you, who is your “other half.” We feel this nconcept is rooted in fear of being alone and a lack of nself-love. It’s an earthbound, fear-based concept.
Self-love is the only true love and nobody can give nyou what you don’t or can’t give yourself.

A soul mate is defined as someone you have known in na prior life and everyone has many soul mates. Some nare family, some are co-workers, some are enemies, nand some are lovers. Some soul mate connections ninvolve mostly challenge, and some (few) involve nmostly reward.

Unfortunately, personal growth and shared goals are nmuch more common in soul mate connections instead nof exclusively blissful romance.

We told the client that it’s unhealthy to suppress her ntrue urges, and that we don’t recommend trying to fool nherself into thinking that she doesn’t have sexual nattraction to someone other than her husband.

It’s natural to be attracted to and have fantasiesnabout someone other than a spouse or partner. What maynnot be natural for many is strict, long-term monogamy.
Once she accepts this, it may be easier for her to nchannel her love and lust to her husband. However, nattraction is either there or it isn’t; you can’tncreate it if it’s not there from the start.

Also, fantasizing about love for someone who is no nlonger living or who isn’t available may be a way for nher to express love without getting hurt or suffering nother consequences. We told her to ask herself if that napplies to her and whether or not leaving the past nbehind would serve her.

Copyright © 2007 Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo