Marriage Is All About Change

Are you willing to keep up with that change? Life and change are synonymous, whether it's technology, medicine, cooking styles, or marriage. For couples with children, those parents see continual change in the stages kids develop and in activities in which children and youth participate. Then, those youth mature into adults, leave the nest, and have their own families.

Marriages expand from that passionate, can't-take-my-eyes-off-you stage, towards a stable love that never wants to live without one another.

Yet, sometimes marriage finds a wedge pounded between the partners. Love appears to get shoved out by earning a living and living life as it comes each day. All at once husbands and wives can feel there is no love for each other. Responsibilities are demanding. There's no energy left to try to love a spouse---you want everything, including your love for one another, to be natural, to fall into place, to not have to work at it. You feel you shouldn't have to work at your marriage if you truly love each other.

How many desirable things in life can you name that take no work at all—nothing to keep it running properly, nothing to keep it bright and shiny, nothing to keep it up-to-date? Marriage falls into the same category. It takes work and upkeep to keep it running properly, to keep it fun and romantic, to keep it from becoming old and stale.

Just as you need to do important, everyday things to keep your health in the best shape or do vital, routine maintenance to keep a car engine running smoothly, you need to do certain things to keep a marriage vibrant and love-filled. If you don't spend at least snippets of time and energy working on your marriage, it's doomed to rust, age, corrode, and fall apart. That's practically a guarantee that comes with marriage.

When was the last time you went somewhere just as a couple to a place you both wanted to go?
When was the last time you hugged each other?
When was the last time you showed interest in each other's day or in each other's hobbies?
When was the last time you let your spouse complain about his/her day without offering advice?
When was the last time you complimented your mate?
When was the last time you joyfully did something that your spouse wanted to do?
When was the last time you let your spouse have the last word?

Couples must recognize that marriages do take work. You say you have no extra time to do one more thing? That's fine. At least you know what will happen to your marriage as a result. If you care about your marriage and desire a happy marriage, you'll find five minutes per day to start focusing on your marriage.

Don't try to improve everything at once and say, "Well, that didn't work!" Work on one small thing at a time. Today, this very moment, is a great time to start.