Midlife stress - dealing with the loss of a loved one

Midlife stress - dealing with the loss of a loved one This article looks at different ways of coping with the midlife stress associated with losing a loved one. It recounts the dramatic story of a French family faced with this issue, based on the film Summer Hours. There are lessons we can learn about ourselves. What is valuable for you? When facing the loss of a loved one and its associated midlife stress, what is really valuable for you? Is it memories, stories or secrets of earlier times? Is it family relationships? Is it honoring the past and going with the flow of life? Or is it more materialistic things, such as a large summer residence on a huge estate somewhere exotic (how about just outside Paris)? Is it family heirlooms, such as museum-quality art nouveau decorative objects, paintings and sketches of famous artists? Stories are gripping Such are some of the questions that lie behind the dramatic French-language film L'heure d'été (SummerHours in English). I was attracted to the film for two reasons. First, there is the subject matter - succession issues in a well-off, educated family dealing with this kind of midlife stress. Second, there is the appearance of Juliette Binoche, well-known French actress who won an Oscar for best supporting actress in the 1996 film The English Patient. The death of a loved one With the death of one or both parents, midlifers and baby boomers must deal with the sorrow and of pain of losing a loved one. During this time of acute midlife stress, there are also succession issues, which can often be complex. I myself lost my father in the mid-nineties; it was one of the most traumatic experiences in my life. I lost my mom, Julia, three years ago and it was just as difficult. I know how emotionally challenging all this can be. Back to the film The film centers on the last year in the life of Helene Berthier and her sudden death, leaving her three children, Frederic (the eldest), Adrienne and Jeremie, with the task of settling their mother's estate. Helen was the niece of a famous French artist named Paul Berthier, who had died many years before. Paul had left her a huge estate filled with valuable artwork, including two paintings by Corot, a nineteenth-century master. What was most important for Helene were the stories and secrets of earlier times. Each of her children valued their close family ties. However, what was most important for Frederick, happily married and father of two teenage children, were the house and estate, including the valuable artwork. Adrienne and Jeremie were both living abroad, so what was most important for them was the money that the sale of house and estate would bring. Eloise had been Helene's live-in maid for many years. What was most important for her was having a memento of Helene; so she chose one of the art nouveau vases – the other ended up in the Musee d’Orsay. When she visits the house for the last time, she says ironically to the taxi driver who drove her there, “He [Frederic] said to choose anything. I took something ordinary. What would I do with something valuable?” She was honoring the past and going with the flow of life. Midlife Lessons These are many lessons we can learn about our reaction to losing a loved one from this story. For other stories you may want to read Megan Smolenyak's Honoring Our Ancestors.