My Formula of Coping For Children, Teens and Parents

Young children and teenagers need tools; to cope with situations nthat they find themselves in, with their emotions, to learn how to interact, and to grow spiritually and emotionally. Here nis my formula for coping skills for children and teens.

Honesty: As much as possible try to speak clearly and verynhonestly with each of them. If you choose the right words nthey will understand what is being said, andnthey will be able to process it emotionally.
If you don't know something, don't lie.
Don't pretend to be perfect because none of us are.

Compassion : Be compassionate with them and the npeople that you encounter and they and involve nthem as often and as much as possible.

Affirmations: They are wonderful resources for changing thoughts, and behaviors and building coping skills. They are simple to create by adding a few words or phrases nrelated to you, the child, or the situation.
"I'm going to get through this."
"I can do this."

Self-discovery: You can talk to little children about something that is dangerous without frightening them with graphic descriptions or yanking them away without explanation. Even if you think that they may get hurt you need to allow them to explore on their own.

Managing thoughts: To cope, children also need to know how tonmanage their thoughts. Let them know that by changing thei
focus, from something that is causing stress or discomfort to nsomething that is joyful, they will immediately feel better.

Open communication: Children should be able to ask questions,nget solid answers, and tell you anything nwithout punishment, and to let you know about something that is nhappening to them without being afraid, or disturbed that nyou will be upset with them or that you will not love them.

Sometimes the time and place for discussion is not appropriate,nbut as soon as you are able, take them to a safe and quiet placenand let them talk.

Respect: You teach respect to children by example. If you don'tnwant to be laughed at for your thoughts or your actions, don't nlaugh at them and don't mock them.

Be careful with your words:
Don't call them stupid, an idiot, or unintelligent. Remember nthey are just a reflection of things they learned.

If you want a child to listen to you, you have to listennto her ideas as well. Stand up for children when they are nbeing mistreated or bullied. That action will really make an nimpact in their psyche. It tells them that they are worthy.

Believe them when they tell you something.
Don't dismiss a child that tells you something that an adult did or is doing to them. Don't call them liars. Don't believe the adult over your child without getting their side of the story. n
Also in that situation, don't put the child on the spot nwhere they appear to challenge the adult. Take them to a nsafe place or a little away from the confrontationnand ask them, without judgment, and so they will not have any nfear of retribution.

Access to wisdom: At an early age children can learn to trust nthemselves if they are taught to trust themselves. If you speaknwith children and reflect back to them what is going on, I knownthat they can access their own feelings, and their own wisdom.
An easy question to reflect back to them might be “How do you nfeel?" "Does it make you feel happy when you think about this?"
Help them to begin to trust their feelings and their instincts.
Children need time to process and understand what is going on around them.

They follow your behaviors of trusting yourself too.
They see your behavior of dealing with stress, and you
take on life. If you are bad mouthing every person and every nsituation, children will pick up on this as well. If your nbuilt in belief system tells you that everyone is out to get younand people are predominately bad, children will get that with nevery fiber of their being. So be careful of what it is that nyou are transmitting to your children.

Balance: Show them how to balance priorities, and their playtime. Encourage them to rest and take needed breaks sometimes. You do the same. Balance your work time, and off time.

If you teach children with love they will respond with tremendousnlove, affection, attention, and honor. Call them honorable too.
These little adults in the making will grow according to how nyou nurture and care for them. So start having a relationship nnow with them and watch them develop into loving beings.