Negative self-talk and why it may be holding you back.

” That was so stupid of me.” ” What’s wrong with me, why can’t I do that?” ” I think they are talking about me now but are too polite to say so outright.” ” How come I am not as (good looking, slim, intelligent, vibrant, rich etc.) as John?” ” Sarah is always looking down on me.”
Self-talk is nothing more than the silent conversation that we have with ourselves all the time. How many times have you found yourself telling yourself some of the above mentioned stuff? We all engage in self-talk.
The self-talk that interest us here is very specific. It can fall within three broad categories :
1. Neutral.
2. Positive.
3. Negative.
Some examples may be in order. ” I like the color of this room.” Neutral. ” How will I solve this problem?” Neutral. What is interesting is our answer to the aforementioned question : ” I am too dumb to solve problems.” Very negative self-talk. ” I do not know now but I endeavor to find out.” Positive self-talk. Think about some examples of your own. If you are unsure about the category that your self-talk falls into, think about the emotional content therefore. This is often a big clue as negative self-talk is often laden with negative emotions or hidden, indirect negative emotion.
Analise, ” I am too dumb to solve problems.” The ” I am .. dumb” portion makes this a personal negative statement. Some underlying hidden or indirect negative emotions and further negative self-talk may be ” I am totally useless, not just with problems, but with everything.” You will also be able to appreciate that constant negative self-talk can quickly form a negative spiral that can be difficult to escape from. Also appreciate that it only took one straw to break the camels back – the last one.
So, what can we do about it? STOP, STOP, STOP. Get it? Just in case – STOP, STOP, STOP. Stop yourself engaging in negative self-talk by catching yourself doing it. Once you have caught yourself negatively self-talking then analise, analise,analise. Ask counter questions like ” Am I really so useless?” ” What can I do?” Make counter statements, like, ” Hey, relax – dumb is a temporary state of mind.” ” I am still alive and kicking and can choose to do something about (whatever the negative self-talk) was. The process of catching and countering is very important because this will ensure that your self-talk turns positive over time. Once you start just doing this then you are already doing self-improvement.
If you were scared that the subject matter was going to ” be above my head” you need not have been. This stuff is not rocket science or brain surgery ( he,he…ok it can be that indirectly) but in a good way. So, when do I stop the process of catching and countering? You don’t. Self-improvement is a process – not a destination. So is life. “Am I the best that I can be?” The answer for me is definitely not. My personal growth do not stop. I am a work in progress if you will. Do we magically stop one day with negative self-talk? Nope. During the writing of this article I caught myself thinking the following : ” I wonder what they will think about the article (gulp).. the world may see this and if……” STOP.STOP.STOP. Analise,analise, analise. Be kind to yourself.
This leads me into how difficult or painful the process of change can be? Well, no beating about the bush here. It is hard work. So, what isn’t? Is it possible? Most definitely, yes, affirmative and in my neck of the woods, yebo yes. Will there be sacrifices that I have to make? Maybe, I really do not know. I do know that I had to sacrifice something s at certain points in my life. We had to sacrifice our feelings of safety and security and having a constant, regular income for the uncertainty of crossing an ocean in a small boat and never really knowing where breakfast will be coming from. My wife and I sold everything we had, boarded a 39ft yacht and crossed the ocean in search of a new life. We found that and ourselves in the process. My point simply is that I think the answer lies in how far you want to fling yourself out of your comfort zone and your total commitment to the process. To really be passionate about something is also a great motivator.
You may want to reflect now on your own life and think how negative self-talk may be holding you back right now. Always remember that we move toward what we are thinking. Changing your self-talk has a tremendous impact on your goals. Do not let yourself hold you back. Go and grab your goals. Life is short – live it!!!