How to attract true love

Most singles want to know how to attract true love. Below are nine steps tested out on a number of singles who voted them to be extremely useful.

1. Believe it's possible for you to have a long-term, loving, wonderful relationship

Many singles hope for a wonderful relationship, but few believe such a relationship will actually happen. Singles especially have a hard time believing they will meet a compatible, attractive, communicative partner with the skills and desire to form a relationship.

It's important to believe it is possible for you to meet the right partner and have a long-term, or even lifetime relationship. This is no different than believing you can get a job or pass a test. After all, believing is half the battle won.

2. Figure out what kind of person is right for you

The best way to do this is to look at your best friends and identify in them the qualities you most appreciate. Your future partner must have the very same qualities you find most appealing in your friends.

Seriously, don't just read this and pass it off as a good idea. If you value good communication, a desire for growth, compassion, playfulness, spirituality, sense of humor, etc. in your friends, make sure your partner has these qualities. If you have trouble believing such a man or woman exists, go back to #1 above.

3. Learn to identify people who are not right for you

This one should be pretty easy. Anyone who does not exhibit the qualities you value most is not right for you as a relationship partner.

Also, anyone who exhibits the qualities you value most only toward you, but not anyone else, is not right for you as a relationship partner.

Additionally, people who try to rush a relationship are most likely not right for you either. They usually cause heartbreak.

4. Stop settling for people who are not right for you

If you enter a relationship with a person who does not embody the qualities most important to you, you are asking for heartache. At about three months or sooner into the relationship, you will start to try to change your partner into a person with qualities you originally wanted.

He or she will naturally resist being changed, and you will take this resistance personally. You will take his or her inability to communicate or listen to you or meet your needs as a sign that he or she does not love you. In truth, you simply picked a person who is not a good fit.

5. Put yourself in places where you will meet the type of people who are right for you

Where would you find the type of person who has the qualities that appeal to you? In what kind of activities would this type of person participate? Would he or she be adventurous and perhaps rock climb? Would he or she be focused in personal growth and participate in seminars and workshops?

Inevitably, the places to find a person you would love to be with are also places that will nourish you. Build your community in such places.

6. Overcome your fear of being hurt or left

All relationships end at some point -- some by break up or divorce, others by death. There are no guarantees in life and there are none in love. Amazingly, every time you love, you take a chance of being hurt or left, and yet we still yearn to love. This is because we inherently know that there is no greater joy then being in love.

Remember all of the times you have gotten hurt in love already. You are still intact, all parts attached, functioning. You survived. If you fall in love, you will probably have to survive a loss of some sort again. But isn't it worth it?

7. Ensure that, if possible, your relationship will last a lifetime

There are two ways to ensure a relationship will last a lifetime. First choose a partner who has qualities you value most in your friends.

Second, acquire relationship skills. Setting boundaries, speaking the truth, acknowledging, appreciating, apologizing, asking for what you want, etc. There are many great skills to learn.

8. Be unattached

Be about your life and only slightly about attracting a relationship. Those singles who focus all of their attention and energy on attracting a mate put off potential partners. And singles who get despondent over not having a relationship waste their time longing instead of creating a wonderful life.

If you do everything else on this list, you do not have to think about being in a relationship. It will take care of itself and come to you.

9. Risk your heart, but be smart

Go out there, meet new people, and date. Give people a chance if they have the qualities that matter to you. But do not take a chance on someone who clearly does not embody what you need.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Pariesnwww.WhatItTakes.com

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," a weekly e-zine for people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a relationship, you will learn to create more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to www.WhatItTakes.com nnn