People are Innocent

I have to tell you about this friend of mine. She’s been driving me crazy lately. Don’t get me wrong; she’s one of the nicest people I know. The problem is that she is a consummate fixer and can be a little pushy about it.
You know the one…

She always knows what’s best for everyone. She has an opinion about everything… from where you should work to what you should eat. She isn’t afraid to share her opinions and keeps pushing until you agree with her or scream.
It’s not that she’s a bad person. Her intentions are good. She just doesn’t understand boundaries. Do you have someone like this in your life?
I thought so. We all do. What’s interesting is that they really believe that they are helping. They don’t think that they’re being pushy. When you look at it from their perspective, they’re doing great things so they aren’t going to change.
It’s up to us to learn how to deal with them. I know how to do it, but sometimes I forget my own lessons and have to relea
them.

I had to relea
this one this week so I thought I should share it with you.
The truth of the matter is that the people who drive us crazy aren’t doing it deliberately (okay some are), but it can only affect us if we allow it. No one can make you feel anything without your permission. Don’t give them permission. I know, it’s easier said than done, but here’s how you do it.
First of all, remind yourself that they don’t know what they don’t know. They are innocent. It doesn’t matter who it is... whether it's a friend, a family member or maybe it’s those drunks playing bongos outside your window at 4 AM (yes, it happened to me).
The thing is that they’re not doing it to you, but for themselves. It’s always about them. I know, sometimes, people do it on purpose, but it’s still about them and filling their need.
They’re getting pleasure from your angst because they are unhappy. They really don’t know any other way to be. Instead of being angry or frustrated, maybe you could feel sorry for them.
It’s human nature to be egocentric. That’s why they drive us crazy. We’re focused on our feelings and they’re focused on theirs.
The only way to change it is for you to break the cycle by remembering they can’t see anything from your perspective. You have to try to see it from theirs.
Look at their situation and try to figure out why they acted the way they did. Those bong playing drunks were really just trying to have a good time. Your mother just wants you to be happy.
The people who like to drive you crazy only do it because they are unhappy. You can join them in their angst or lift them up.
In my case, my friend recently lost a job and is bored and feeling down. She’s not happy with where she is in her life and it's easier to focus on my life than her own.
Once I realized that, my irritation with her ceased immediately. I began to teach her my boundaries and have encouraged her to find other things (besides my life) to focus on.
It’s working.
The moral to the story is this. The only way someone can get under your skin is if you let them, so don’t let them.