Praying For Those Who Have Wronged You in the Past

Having had a very difficult past wrought in domestic violence and relationship dysfunction it occurred to me recently that it would be better to forgive those who wronged me in the past than to hang on to the negative energy I held within me through horrible memories and unresolved feelings and emotions. I've written about unresolved emotions and feelings and the importance of pulling up those that were buried deep within that internal abyss of pain we all carry along with us. I've been partially successful with forgiving those who caused me years of pain in my past; but just partially.

Why one person seems different than the other revolves around the intensity of pain my enemies caused me in the past. The other reason is that I've entered into the mix my own sense of accountability in the experiences that caused me great pain. When I felt as though the actions against not just me, but my children as well were so brazenly aggressive and hostile that it's been impossible for me to conjure up forgiveness; I've felt sincerely pardoned in having to forgive.

The only problem with that conclusion is that it doesn't sit well with me spiritually. I've often admired those who have been able to forgive criminals that have seriously assaulted or killed a loved one. I've admired their strength in character and faith in the Lord who can do all things. I was recently confronted with a situation in which I overheard some horrible news about someone who had seriously wronged me in my past, but whom I had forgiven. I spoke up and offered prayers for that person, but the next day when I heard horrible news about a different offender in my past life, I didn't know what to feel.

Actually I couldn't identify what I was feeling. I was emoting and feeling plenty believe me and it was somewhere in the middle of jumping for joy and reserved pleasure. I didn't want to be there though. My conscience has been continually pulling on me to forgive and be more loving; I just can't. I have been hanging onto that pain as though it is serving some need within me and I can't let it go. In my head I know that the best thing for me is to let it go, forgive, not forget, but to let the negativity out of me freeing me of that continual aggravating pain. In my heart I have to say that I'm fearful of opening myself up to more hurt and pain from the same parties should I let my guard down with forgiveness.

Others' pain doesn't make me happy in any sense. That is just wrong. So I find myself in an internal conflict which causes me much unrest. Considering that forgiveness is one step and praying for an adversary is another; I am focusing mainly on forgiveness. Spiritually speaking, I feel that we must pray for each other as it is commanded by God. I also know that it is Godly to forgive those who have wronged us. To do as is commanded I must fight yet another fear to overcome this conflict.

It is fighting this fear and resolving the conflict that gives us strength to grow personally, spiritually and intellectually. I've enjoyed resolving these conflicts as they come to me and I've learned to embrace the struggle as a learning experience over a hardship. I can understand the strong urge to avoid the conflict and forget about it for awhile, or until you can no longer avoid it and it causes further conflict. It's not worth it though. When we avoid the things we fear we are only giving our fear more strength to fight us with. We must come to new conclusions conce
ing the things we fear. We must use our intellect to help us sort out what is rational and what is irrational. Once we lock a label on our fear we can sort through it much easier.

Forgiveness as I've heard it said, is a gift we give to ourself. I know this is true because I have come a long way in forgiving people who were particularly mean to me in the past. Praying for someone is an additional step you can take for yourself as well because you know you are obeying the word of God and for this you can be proud of yourself. You will feel very good inside from praying for your enemies. You don't have to like them or try to be friends with them, just forgive and pray for them and you will find yourself blessed.