Relationship Advice for Marriage Counselors

No, I'm not trying to be cheeky. Honest! Marriage counselors are good people. You like everyone else, do your best with what you know, but it's still a struggle for you to have a happy relationship because what makes a marriage work is not generally known. Western psychology is meant to identify diseases of the mind-it is not useful for marriage. (On a PBS broadcast I heard the success rate for certified licensed marriage counselors is well below 10%!)

Having a happy marriage doesn't require "fixing" each other or even yourself. You and your spouse are more than good enough to be happily married. Marriage only requires adjusting your behavior and communication to what is called for in a marriage. Knowing what works, what doesn't, and why is the best place to start.

One dangerous technique used by marriage counselors (I've heard this from numerous clients who came to be rescued) is to have the couple communicate openly and succinctly with each other about what is not working for them, checking in to see if what is being said is being understood as intended, right? It only sounds good on paper. It does not help produce happiness. Who wants to hear their spouse rag on them some more, and even more succinctly??

Marriage counselors, I want you to be happily married. How about telling your spouse how important they are and how handsome or beautiful they are? How about starting your communication with, "Honey, I love you and would do anything I have to for us to be as happy as on our wedding day."

Forget their flaws and issues, and yours! Look into your spouse's eyes, take their hands and say something they will feel in their heart, something that will make their toes curl! Remember how you used to adore your spouse? You used to ignore any flaw you might have come across, or thought it was cute.

Remember how you just wanted to make your true love feel like the most important person alive? Remember all that? Good, because that is what you need to do again. Give more love than you ever gave to anyone including them. Give it all and expect nothing in return. Forget the pain and the little inconveniences. Just give and give and give some more.

I really do want you to be happily married. You will be on the way to happiness in your marriage that will be an example for your clients. Learn the "physics" of an ideal marital relationship. A happy marriage is much simpler than you think.

Getting a manual out when you run into a snag, to make sure you are doing what you're supposed to, is always a great place to start. Bless you for your efforts to help those who need your guidance.