Relationships and Marriage: Alte atives to Being Alone vs. Unhappily Involved, 2 Case Studies

We receive many inquiries from people agonizingnover the choice between staying in an unhappy,nunsatisfying relationship or leaving and potentiallynbeing alone. The majority of them are morenworried about being alone for the rest of their livesnand because of this, remain stuck in thei
relationships.

There are other options, as we outline below,nespecially if you are willing to view your situationnfrom a more spiritual perspective.

Case study problem #1:
“When I was 25 I met the love of my life, John, yetnhe broke up with me after 2 years. We remainednbest friends and the affair never really ended. Inalways compared everyone to him, and he alwaysncame back to me when in trouble. Eventually, wengot back together. I’ve caught him cheating fou
times in the last three years and I don’t know if Incan take it again, but the idea of being on my ownnseems worse to me....”

Traditional thinking and solution:
Turn a blind eye to your partner’s infidelities andnbe grateful you have someone in your life. You’veninvested all this time together and it would be anshame to throw it all away.

Alte
ative Suggestion:
You are allowing him to continue to disrespect you nbecause you’re afraid to be alone. Though your nsituation is karmic, it’s in your best interest to use nyour f.ree will to react compassionately. Take back nyour power, be strong, and bow out. You will be nf.ree to work on yourself and eventually meet nsomeone who is more respectful and compatible.

How much time you’ve invested with each other nis never a good reason to stay together, especially nif he’s betraying your trust. Look at it this way, nthe spiritual (most important) reasons for nrelationships are about learning, understanding, nand growth; how long they last is irrelevant. Many npeople place great importance on the length of anrelationship, but if it’s done it’s done, even if ancouple stays together. Besides, as soon as henbetrayed your trust, the relationship died as you nknew it. As far as him being the love of your life, nyou don’t know that for sure until the end of your nlife.

Alte
ative Suggestion:
If you can’t live without him (and you probablyncan), redefine the relationship and tell him hisnactions have shown you that he cannot or will notnbe monogamous. Since the problem with cheatingnis ultimately more about dishonesty than s.e.x (othe
than insecurity about the loss of a partner or fea
of disease), your relationship may work, in andifferent form, if he is willing to be brutally honestnwhen he feels like straying, and does so safely andnresponsibly. But you would need to be very adult-nlike in how you handle his confessions, and it’snlikely that he would not be able to handle youndating other people. Both of you seeing this allnfrom a spiritual perspective (everyone has manynsoul mates, no one owns anyone, s.e.x is not lovenand doesn’t have to be exclusive to traditional lovenrelationships, s.e.x purely for the enjoyment of s.e.xnbetween two consenting adults is perfectlynacceptable, etc.) would also help a lot.

Case study problem #2:
“I didn’t automatically ‘click’ with my boyfriend
Jason, yet we shared a world view, and we endednup moving in together and building a life. He’s thenmost loving and genuine man I’ve ever met, yet Inoften think about the bond I had with a previousnlover that doesn’t seem to be there with Jason. I’venconsidered ending it, but I don’t want to be alonenand I worry that perhaps I’m asking for too much,nand running after a dream that isn’t real...”

Traditional thinking and solution:
You can’t have everything in a relationship, andnyou should feel lucky that you’ve found a goodnperson to be with.

Alte
ative Suggestion:
Though it’s good to realize that “Prince Charming”nor the perfect partner does not exist, you
attraction to Jason is based on your logical mindnreasoning about why you should like him, shouldnbe attracted to him, and should feel that connectionnwith him.

But as you know, you don’t feel that connectionnwith him. It’s either there, or it isn’t, and betweennyou two, it’s not. This is not your fault or his, itnjust is what is. Perhaps you cite a fear of hurtingnhis feelings as the reason why you don’t break upnwith him. After all, he is such a nice guy.

Think of your situation this way: you are beingnselfish. Breaking up with him would be doing himna favor; he would be available for someone morencompatible with whom he would share that specialnconnection that you two don’t have. Thencomprehensive numerology and astrology natalnand timing charts, along with psychic insight, tellnus you both are better off as friends.

If you are unhappily involved or single and fea
being alone it’s within your power and your f.reenwill to learn to love your time alone. But first younmust confront the fear of solitude and discover itsnorigins. Even if past lives are just metaphors innyour subconscious mind, regression therapy cannhelp, as can meditation.

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo