Say Yes To Yourself

Some might ask, what does it even mean to say yes, to yourself? In my experience it means that you value, trust, and follow your own inner guidance, at least as much as the input you receive from others. We all have our own truth from our own perspective and no one can really know that better than you. Therefore, you are the one whose heart urges you can trust to make the best decisions for you. Occasionally saying yes to yourself, looks like saying no to someone else. This can be difficult, as we usually like to keep everyone happy, but sometimes it is best to chose saying yes to yourself. Your time and energy is valuable.

If you are in the business of assisting people as clients for self-improvement, a life coach or counselor, or just a person that loves to help others, you may find it is difficult to know when you would benefit from saying, “yes” to yourself.

Let’s say for instance, a client, friend or acquaintance doesn’t seem to be making progress even though you are putting a lot of energy into the best advice, plan or sessions that you can. Most of us have been there. It is not you.

I have discovered over the years that some people, as much as they state they want change in their lives, really are not prepared to do the work. They come to someone they feel can help, as in you, however, instead of the work becoming a partnership they expect that you can magically do it for them. That somehow just by visiting you and paying you for your service, treatment, or session, that they do not have to do their part.

Over the years I have developed a list of signs that I use to determine if a person actually will benefit from my helping them. It is not always possible to determine before you begin working with them, but it can become pretty clear after just a session or two instead of many.

Fortunately, this has not happened often, however the few times it has come up and I have been assertive enough to just say, “Yes,” to my inner voice and “this is not working,” to said client, the relief to my peace of mind has been amazing. In fact, the feeling after having worked up the courage to do what seems counterproductive in business, those couple of times, has been, why did I wait so long? It simply was not worth the frustration. Furthermore, I realized that the client needed to hear why I could no longer work with them. They needed to know more was required from them and where their own responsibility came into play.

The writing down of these eight signs to help determine when “yes,” to yourself is the best option, gave me a few aha moments and may do the same for you.

Here are your signs…

1. When you seem more excited about the desired outcome than the person you are helping.
2. When you are willing to help them more then they are willing to help themselves.
3. When the suggestions or advice you give them is ignored…. But they keep coming back to ask the same things again.
4. When you physically do things for them that there is no reason that they cannot do for themselves.
5. When you become physically tired or emotionally drained.
6. When the help you give becomes a habit for you or a dependency for them.
7. When you start to have anxiety or resentment around the relationship.
8. When despite your best efforts, no progress is made.

By Debora Christy Love