SELF-CONFIDENCE – YOUR PROBLEM OR THEIRS?
Written by Jeffrey M. Stoller
Simply telling someone to have more confidence does not make it happen. It’s like telling some whose finger hurts “Feel better.” Finding out why the finger hurts and treating that cause will make the person feel better. Similarly, finding the reason for a lack of confidence and addressing that can have a very positive effect.
A prerequisite for doing this is that you must be honest with yourself about both your strengths and your weaknesses. Having said that, here are 3 situations that could apply and help.
1. Is your lack of self-confidence due to being unprepared? Only the delusional would go into a situation unprepared and not feel uneasy. Did you do everything you reasonably could to learn the task or understand the client or make yourself physically ready? If not, you probably have found the source of your lack of confidence. The answer – be better prepared. Do your homework. You’ll be amazed how much more confident you will be when you are better prepared.
2. Is your lack of self-confidence due to being underqualified for the task or position? This is different than #1 because specific preparation can solve the issue in #1. In this case, it is a body of training, experience and knowledge that makes one qualified versus unqualified. Be realistic about your skills. By all means reach beyond your limits, but be realistic and pick your battles carefully so that you have a reasonable chance of prevailing.
3. Is your lack of self-confidence a more general feeling of inadequacy? This probably has more long term psychological causes such as being demeaned, criticized and put down by certain people. Unfortunately, those “certain people” are often people close to us who matter, and that’s why their words can have such a dramatic effect. Remember, though, that some people have their own self-confidence issues and the way they deal with them is by trying to make you less confident than they are. That’s their problem and it is for them to deal with. They should not be trying to create a problem for you just because they can’t solve their own problem. Don’t let them do it; and if you cannot do it alone, a professional therapist can help you. The problem is not you. You’re just confused as to whose problem it is.
Article author
About the Author
As well as being an atto
ey and accountant, Jeff Stoller is an expert in brand management and one of the most experienced executives in the hospitality/entertainment fields, having been an owner, operator, executive and consultant with more than 20 years in product and brand licensing. In 2005, Stoller was presented the “Innovator of the Year” award based on his taking a good but under-productive brand and making it the premier brand in the industry.
For the past 10 years, Stoller has directed brand management in the hospitality and entertainment field for one of the best known brands in the world. Prior to that, Stoller’s consulting firm helped dozens of companies through startup and growth stages, as well as in the development of specific products or services. His company also created, manufactured and marketed products for world famous brands including The Rolling Stones, Warner Bros, and Playboy.
Stoller has the distinction of being the only person to ea
3 graduate degrees simultaneously at the University of Southern Califo
ia including Juris Doctorate (Order of the Coif), Master of Business Taxation and Master of Business Administration (Beta Alpha Psi) degrees at the age of 24. After being recruited from the tax department of KPMG Peat, a top 4 international accounting firm, Stoller served as an Adjunct Professor of Finance and Business Economics at the University of Southern Califo
ia where he taught finance in the Graduate School of Business and law in the Undergraduate School of Business, and was selected as one of the 20 top professors.
Stoller has been a speaker on such panels as the South Florida Film and Television Industry Roundtable, the Business Finance Conference sponsored by the Greater Miami Chamber of Commerce. Stoller has been a lecturer at trade conventions and conferences on such topics as the keys to successful brand licensing experiential licensing (licensing an experience, rather than just a product or name).
Stoller has been published in numerous magazines and newspapers including The Daily Business Review, Inventors’ Digest, A Roadmap to Financing Your Business and Total Brand Licensing.
Stoller is currently a member of the Califo
ia Bar Association and the First Amendment Lawyers Association.
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Further Reading
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