Self without Love

Human beings are a pretty strange and complicted life-force and although the potential for complete liberation is present in every moment, mostly we take the other route, that of suffering.
One of the most common expressions of this suffering in the West is the bizzare pre-occupation with low self esteem. How did we arrive in this place where we continually think that we are no good, or at least not good enough, and then so often feel intimidated and threatened by everything around us ?
Of course the media exploits this situation endlessly by reminding us that what we feel is actually the truth and without the latest perfume, shampoo, car, magazine, etc, we will never be enough in the eyes of others.
To fall into this trap is real suffering, for when will we ever be good enough ? How many times will we need to be told that we are loved before we feel worthy of that love ? If one hundred people tell you that you are a wonderful human being, and one person tells you that you are no good, who do you believe, the one or the hundred ?
Low self esteem is only another conditioned suffering in our life, the foundation of it is an illusion established naturally in delusion, and so has no value.
I have heard that when the Dalai Lama was asked what Tibetan people do about low self esteem he replied, ‘Do about what ???’
It is a quality of being that does not exist for them.

At one time, whilst living with my teacher in his monastery, I bumped into the Dhamma of low self esteem.
After our early morning meditatio
I had the privilige (truly I felt like this) to prepare his breakfast in the kitchen. Sometime later he would arrive and I would smile and offer a polite and friendly greeting. ‘Good morning Bhante, did you sleep well ?’ His reply was always a grunt !
I persisted, day after day to enquire after him, his health and his quality of sleep until one day he actually spoke to me. ‘You British,’ he said, ‘You’re so polite always saying hello and asking after the other person. In Burma we make the assumption that we are always pleased to see each other and so find no need to continually speak in this way !’

‘We make the assumption that we are always pleased to see each other,’ how beautiful is this ?
Which one of us highly programmed and conditioned westerners would dare to make an assumption like that, that our presence in any situation needs no qualification ? To be there is enough.
I realise now of course, that my questions were only subtle attempts for him to notice me (which he always did of course) but more, to be validated. His teaching ultimately was ‘put this idea down, it will never lead you to peace and never bring happiness. You’re fine as you are, no need to feel less than that.’

In every situation the response to our difficulties has to be love, first for ourselves and then for the other. Only when we love ourselves will we be able to truly love the other, and only when we love ourselves will we be able to allow the other to love us. Dhamma is everywhere and our liberation is always right in front of us in every moment.

I trained with this man as a monk and a layman for thirty years, he only ever showed me love, compassion and kindness. He always offered the gift of truth, but in every moment it was for me to accept it or not. This is the way of Dhamma.

May all beings be happy