Relationships

One of the things that strikes me about relationships is that this is an area of great challenge for very many people, and that we are currently having to look at our thinking about relationships in a way that people of our parents' generation didn't have to.

Last weekend, I completed the Landmark Forum. One of the things that I was profoundly reminded of by doing this course is that so much of the time, we're not really in relationship with other people at all! Rather, we are in relationship with how we would like them to be. Whether this is with our partner, or our parents, our children or whomever, we are driven by our expectations of how others should be.

What this means is that we end up making others wrong for not being how we would like them to be, and then we invest a lot of energy in trying to change them, rather than loving them for who they are, and being with them as they are. The sad thing is that most of us, most of the time, would rather be right than happy! How often have you been in an argument with someone you love and been unwilling to concede the rightness of your position? Even at the expense of being alone, we would rather choose rightness then happiness or closeness.

What I want to suggest to you is this. Instead of trying to change your partner or your mother, instead of wishing that your ex-husband was more supportive, or that your father was more loving, you can just be with them, and get to know them as they really are. You can take steps right now to make a difference in your personal relationships. Call or write to someone you love and tell them that you are now ready to stop wishing that they were different, and that you are willing to create a new relationship with them as they really are.

After completing the Forum, I was able to make big shifts in my relationships with my mother and my sister, both of whom I have been making wrong for years and years. And what I finally realised was that there was no time to lose!

Whom are you going to contact in the next few days?