SHE IS ALWAYS ILL

Gina’s long standing illness has become a source of tension for all her family.

She has been ill for many years and this is taking its toll on her husband Sam and the children. At times they feel she is using her illness to get attention and to force them into doing things for her. This upsets them and makes them aggressive and critical toward her.

Then Gina, who is already in the role of victim, feels even more so because now instead of the support and love she needs to get well, she is receiving criticism, accusations and threats.

This, of course, is the way in which the others protect their own energy fields from being drained by her needs and demands. They would like to see her smile and hear a positive word once in a while, but Gina is not feeling well, and as a victim, she seldom smiles or says something positive.

Lost in the helplessness of her illness, she feels unhappy because she is not receiving the love she needs. The others do love her and want her to be well, but the illness has carried on too long for all of them and they are all drained.

No one is to blame, but all are suffering.

Gina wonders why she is ill, why she cannot get well. One factor might be that her mother was always ill, often blamed Gina for not respecting her illness, frequently accused Gina of making her illness worse, and even declared she would be the cause of her death. When her mother died, Gina was only fifteen, and at the height of her rebellion as an adolescent. Gina subconsciously felt guilty that she was not giving any attention to her mother at that time and was in general negative toward her.

Now her mind wonders, is this illness her punishment or is it her own guilt-creation? Is she really ill? Does she really want to get well? Would the others pay attention to her if she were totally well? Does she deserve to be totally well since she did not respect her mother’s illness?

Sam also wonders, "Why am I so harsh with her? I love her and want to help her. What makes me get angry when I see her there lying in bed, feeling sorry for herself? What do I need to do? Should I care for her as if she were ill or force her to get out of bed and find her energy? What is best for her?"

Also, his need for freedom is in direct conflict with his need to help his wife. He is unhappy that he has to spend so many hours in the house. He would also like to get out and have some recreation. He would like to invite some people over, but all of these things are impossible now.

What are the answers to their questions?
What do they need to learn?

Gina:

Does she need to realize that she can create her own health?

Does she need to forgive herself for her mother’s death?

Does she need to understand that the others really love her, just as she loved her mother, but cannot be by her side continuously?

Is she now experiencing what her mother experienced?

Why? What is the lesson?

Does she need to take a more active role in creating her health?

Does she need to learn to think more positively?

Perhaps she needs to get free from her beliefs in guilt and punishment.

Sam:

Does he need to learn to understand and serve Gina more?

Should he let her take responsibility and be forced to stand on her own two feet?

Does he need to communicate more honestly with her, so she does not misinterpret his nonparticipation at times?

Is his lesson to learn to serve and let go of all other needs?

Does he need to learn to get out on his own even if she cannot go with him?

Sam and Gina can find happiness through self-knowledge and more effective communication in addition to training in need conflict solutions.

From the book "Relationships of Conscious Love"