Stacking Your Stories

We love a good story, told well, that entertains us. But there are some who use stories for a different purpose: Justification for why they aren’t in control of themselves and, therefore, their lives.

I have a call scheduled with someone who wants to tell me her story. Basically, she hopes I’ll “get” why her life is the way it is and will never be any better. I know for a fact that she plays this story over and over in her mind and I understand why she believes her history impacts her present and future; but the questio
I intend to pose after I’ve listened a bit is, “How will you use your story to move forward in your life?”

Buildings have stories. One level is stacked upon another. Every time we repeat our stories to ourselves and others, we stack another level (more often than not, extra, unnecessary weight) on top of what’s already there. The fact is every story is based mostly on perception and, usually, not enough information even if we were the ones who lived it.

What I mean by this is often, what first appears as a negative results in a positive, even if it takes years to realize it. The adage that advises us to look for the silver lining exists for a reason: It’s based on the wisdom of experience. We get locked into our stories because sometimes we just can’t believe they happened. But they did. And they are now over, in the past, history. What we do with what we’re “given” in life is more important than the fact it was “delivered” to us.

When we look for examples of courage, do we look to those who give up in the face of their challenges or those who keep moving forward despite challenges many of us hope we never have to face? Do we seek the company of those who bemoan their lot in life or those who find their inner power and create more of what they want?

It’s too easy to become attached to our stories, too attached to the momentary (negative) attention we receive when we tell them. And, when we use our time and energy telling them over and over, whether to ourselves or another, we aren’t applying energy to make our lives better and more meaningful.

Why repeat stories? Do we hope someone will give us permission to give up? If that’s a desired outcome, we can grant that permission to ourselves just as we can grant ourselves permission to leave our stories behind and create the ones we truly wish to live and share. Carolyn Myss once said when we lead with our wounds we let people know how we intend to manipulate them.

The building we structure from our lives can be one where creativity and beauty are the products, where energy and enthusiasm fuel all of our activities. Or, we can create drab structures where nothing more than widgets get produced and administrative repetition fills the hours.

What story or stories do you repeat to yourself or to others? Are your stories entertaining and empowering or do they make listeners look for the least offensive escape? Certainly, we don’t want to live in denial of what we feel or experience, and there are times we need to vent so we heal; but more often than not, we could choose to make a more “joyful noise” in the world.