Stay Afloat with Healthy Boundaries

When folks around you make waves with their alien communication styles, fervent demands, or weird displays of power, you need healthy boundary skills that pop to the surface like a life preserver. Your imagination can roar to the rescue and save the day.

To keep a grip on the real you when the ...When folks around you make waves with their alien communication styles, fervent demands, or weird displays of power, you need healthy boundary skills that pop to the surface like a life preserver. Your imagination can roar to the rescue and save the day.

To keep a grip on the real you when the salty surf of a tense interaction smacks your starboard side, think of yourself as sitting in your own sturdy little boat. Grip the sides. Breathe in the fresh salty air. Get used to the way you can feel the movement of the water through the responsiveness of your boat. You’re in control. Sitting there, it’s obvious when someone tries to stick their uninvited foot into your boat. The boat shimmies and shakes. It’s harder to hold on. Your alarm goes off.

If you’re too close to someone who’s tossing their big feet into other boats or making so many waves no one can get a breath of fresh air, you can put some distance between yourself and them. For example, if you’re in a staff meeting that’s lapsing into immaturity, with voices rising and tension tightening, the rocking of your boat tells you to pay attention. Now that you’re tuned in, you can take steps to get relief. Even small actions can give you more room to think. Close your mouth, lean back in your chair, and take a few deep breaths to help put some distance between you and the fraught atmosphere.

By using such sneaky methods of helping ourselves remember what to do, we can pre-program healthy reactions to challenging boundary situations. Healthy boundary concepts and nautical imagery work together naturally, like fish and water. Spend some time getting used to the image of yourself in your own sturdy little boat, safe and in control, and that image will rush in to assist you when you’re in the midst of a boundary challenge.

Don’t suffer through another stormy interchange that leaves you gasping on the shore, your boat nowhere in sight, half your face covered in sand. Instead, claim space for yourself at the first sign of trouble. Use the image of your boat to help you notice a rising swell or a pirate’s attempt to board and at the first sign of the boundary challenge take positive action to remain steady.

You can do this. Think of practicing healthy boundaries as a way to get used to owning your own place in the world. Focus on flinging out the foreign feet and keeping your own feet in your own boat. Use your imagination to help you progress from flailing in heavy seas to peering into the cooler at the dock.