The Fluidity Of Homo/Hetero (Happy) Sexuality

If anyone googles "Stephanie Adams" they will find that I am the first Playboy Centerfold to come "out" as a lesbian...who eventually married a man and started a family. Is sexuality "fluid", something that is forever changing, never the same? I will elaborate more on that topic...Sexuality is indeed "fluid" and is not so easily defined...It is anything but black and white too, which is probably why the rainbow colors for the flag are appropriately fitting. In regards to why I came out of the closet, why (or if) I went back in, etc., that is quite complex and can be further elaborated upon, but perhaps you can find more answers to your questions once we proceed further...

What was this process like? I felt so liberated and complete when I came out. One of my aunts who raised me since birth was straight until later years when she started dating women and when she was chastised by so called loved ones for being in love with her longtime companion, right up until she was dying of cancer, I said to her and myself, enough is enough...I too was in a relationship with a woman...so I came out to my aunt on her death bed, told her I love her and accept her unconditionally, and vowed to her that I would seek justice for the disrespectful way she was treated, by coming out publicly, symbolically honoring her and paving the way for others to come out proudly and with dignity as well.

How did I land in this situation? Let's just say I never "landed" anywhere, but instead "took off in flight". Oh yes, I did land a celebrity cover and feature for several publications, countless interviews, several televised speeches for a number of Gay Prides, and many, many LGBT charity events in which I donated both time and funds to. I did my all to honor her, and myself, as it took the death of someone I loved in order for me to learn how to live.

And how did the LGBT community react? When I came out, they, along with the straight community were in an intrigued shock. But after I fell in love with my husband, some gays got angry, only to be reminded by me how their behavior was no different from a straight person showing prejudice and judgment over a gay. Today, just about all of my friends are still gay, and I am still "Stephanie".

What were the reactions like exactly in the gay community when I came "out" then later went back to dating men again? Well, the gay men loved my dancing between the sexes...They jokingly but candidly told me "Why should a gorgeous Playboy Bunny like you limit her chances of love when you can have the best of both worlds..." But some of the gay women weren't as amused, however, and got somewhat ruffled, so they were the ones I reminded about how their judgment is no different from the prejudice of some heterosexuals, so if they want to get respect, they first have to learn how to give it.

And how did I self-identify as this process took place? I refused to be put in any category but still felt most comfortable in and around the LGBT community.

What does all of this say about me, my sexuality, and my gender? My going from hetero, to homo, and back to hetero means that sexuality is indeed fluid...No honey, I am not "confused". I've just danced and twirled from the "L" to the "B" in LGBT. When I loved women, that was how I lived and loved. When I loved men, that was how I lived and loved. When I got married, it was for love and I have no regrets for how I live. Don't try to label me, but instead respect me for who I am, not who I choose to fall in love with. Love has no color, sex, or reason...It's just love. Live and love. Love and live.

It's so hard to slap labels on something as fluid as gender, which is why the term "queer" can be so helpful to some people...So did I find myself a "lesbian" in a relationship with a guy? A "former lesbian" now "straight" or "queer" in any way? Well, I never once felt "queer" because I never believed a person's lifestyle or sexuality was strange in any sort of way. But what is queer, however, is how some people chastise others and make such a big deal about it...Like my quote once in Playboy magazine, indeed I always felt like I was "a playboy trapped in a playmate's body"...I have always looked like a feminine girl, yet felt, acted, and identified as either a "butch" or a guy, in general. I'm a Leo, which is astrologically a masculine sign. I love being with "the boys", gay or straight, easily identifying with them better, even taking up not-so-girly hobbies such as hiking, kick boxing, and shooting. So when I met my husband who is a Cancer, which is a feminine sign, yet very much a (gentle)man, I felt like I finally met my match and fell in love with his spirit, not his gender.

Yes, I do seem so wonderfully confident in this decision. So was this something that increased as time went on in my relationship? No. I don't ever care what society thinks, as I don't sleep with them, I sleep with my husband.

Did I have any personal squabbles in going from being with women to with a man? Not at all. I dated both sexes all my dating life. The only difference recently was the fact that I eventually became public about it. So "switching" simply meant I fell in love with someone who happened to be either sex.

Did I ever feel any regrets or doubts in regards to my decisions? I have no regrets for anything. But I should sue the tabloids for referring to me as a "lesbian married to a man" because their blatant disrespect to my husband and the validity of our love was just their tacky way to sell papers.

So with all that's been said, how would I define my "sexuality" today and is there a one or two word phrase for it? I once stated for a Gay Pride speech, "Love has no color, sex, or reason, it's just love." If being gay means being happy like the word "gay" was properly and originally defined, then, yes, I am very gay. So as to my one word phrase, don't call me bisexual, homosexual, or heterosexual, but instead "happysexual". And that is how everyone should be.