The Paradox of Forgiveness

To forgive or not forgive?nn Your decision could affect your health and the quality of your life. Studies prove that people who choose not to forgive have more stress-related illnesses, lower-functioning immune systems, and increased likelihood of heart disease than people who forgive. nn A study by Kathleen Lawler, PhD, at the University of Tennessee measured noticeable differences in the increases of blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension between forgivers and nonforgivers when participants were asked to tell a story of betrayal. Results showed that the forgivers had a lower resting blood pressure and smaller increases in blood pressure than low forgivers or nonforgivers. High forgivers also reported fewer visits to their physicians for physical ailments.1 nn In his book Forgive for Good, Dr. Frederic Luskin states that unresolved anger resets the internal thermostat. This low level of anger begins to feel normal, but it actually burns out the body.2 Anger is a secondary emotion that masks hurt feelings. Forgiving helps us give up the hurt and allows us to heal.nn Let’s take a moment for a quick experiment. Focus on someone or some event that has caused you hurt or pain. Close your eyes for about fifteen seconds, and feel what is happening in your body as you maintain that focus. Do your muscles tighten up? Do your heart beat and breathing rate increase? Does your body feel like it is on alert? Now imagine how that physical response plays out over and over again anytime you have an experience that is similar to or reminds you of that event or person. nn To forgive does not mean that the offense is condoned. Whether the offense was done (1) with malicious intent (the violator was abusive), (2) with unintentional harm (the violator was unaware of the harm caused by his or her actions or words), or (3) by inappropriate positive intent (the violator criticizes or hurts to teach a lesson), it is not minimized with forgiveness. Forgiveness does not mean weakness. It does not mean surrendering to defeat or avoiding justice. In fact, it takes strength to truly forgive from your heart.nn Often the greater the hurt, the more difficult it is for the injured person to want to forgive. However, there is no offense that is so great that it cannot be healed by the gracious act of forgiveness. A life of forgiveness is available to all of us. nn The paradox of forgiveness is that the true beneficiary is the forgiver. Forgiving can enhance the immune system, lower blood pressure, and reduce secreted cortisol. A study by the Duke University Medical Center demonstrated that those who have forgiven experience lower levels of back pain and less associated problems such as depression.3 nn The emotional well-being of the forgiver is enhanced. Forgiveness returns the control of your emotions to you. Thinking becomes clearer because the mind is not clouded over with thoughts of anger, hate, or revenge. You live life in a proactive manner, rather than a reactive manner. nn The benefits of forgiveness are far-reaching. According to research compiled by A Campaign for Forgiveness, a nonprofit organization, forgiveness affects health, marriages, businesses, relationships, communities, and nations.4 Forgiveness and Hypnosisnn Forgiveness work can be done with various therapeutic modalities. One of the more powerful methods of doing this work is through hypnosis. The subconscious mind, which is considered the seat of emotions, is easily accessible in hypnosis. This direct connection to the emotions makes hypnosis a very efficient therapy. nn In hypnosis, the forgiveness work is done without any interpersonal exchange between the injured and the violator because the violator is not present. This work is especially beneficial when the violator expresses no remorse or willingness to right the wrong, when the injured chooses not to interact with the violator, or when the violator is deceased. None of these possibilities have any effect on the forgiveness work once the decision is made to forgive. The purpose of this process is to free the injured from his or her internal prison of anger and hurt, thereby opening the heart to a new level of love and freedom.nn During hypnosis, the injured creates a setting where he or she is able to address the violator with the understanding that the violator cannot interrupt, give excuses, or cause any more harm. The ability to verbalize everything that needs to be said to the violator, including expressions of painful feelings of hurt, disgust, or embarrassment, is a necessary step in the forgiving process. Typically, a great amount of emotional energy is spent during this time. When the injured feels that he or she has expressed every available hurt or emotion, the injured switches roles and becomes the violator. nn In the role of the violator, the injured has the opportunity to perceive the event through the eyes of the violator. He or she may come to believe that the violator also had pain and was lashing out at someone more vulnerable. Maybe the violator didn’t know a better way. As the injured continues to speak as the violator, he or she may begin to feel compassion for the violator. It is possible that this may take a few turns of switching roles. It is also possible to forgive when the injured can find no logical or fathomable reason for the offense. The work is near completion when the injured, while in the role of violator, is able to ask for forgiveness. nn Forgiveness is a healing gift that you give to yourself, and the benefits are far-reaching. By doing forgiveness work through hypnosis or with any other modality, healing happens, and your health as well as your relationships with yourself and your loved ones can improve significantly and forever.nn** This article is one of 101 great articles that were published in 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Health. To get complete details on “101 Great Ways to Improve Your Health”, visit http://selfgrowth.com/healthbook3.html