The Past is the Past

Everyone has a past. Some parts of it may be wonderful and other parts may harbor painful memories. You have come to accept what has been. You realize that holding onto shame, blame or guilt will not allow peace with your past. Mistakes were learning experiences that can serve you in moving forward.

Finding peace with painful memories is sometimes difficult when someone else is not willing to let these hurts go. They have not yet learned how to let go of the past. They are angry and lash out at those who have found peace with their past. They feel that hurting someone else will alleviate their pain.

Their unexpected words meant to hurt can cause you to take a step back to a time you would rather not revisit. It may bring up feelings you thought were long gone.

If this happens, what steps can you take to keep your perspective and not fall into that toxic wasteland of despair and regret?

1. Remove yourself from the situation. If this occurs in person, walk away. If this occurs in a phone conversation, politely hang up. If this occurs through an email or letter, do NOT respond immediately.
2. Keep your balance. Breathe deeply and use grounding techniques to keep your balance. Remember that you are in control of yourself.
3. Watch your words. Do not retaliate with harsh words defending actions or putting the blame on another.
4. Evaluate your reactions. Find a quiet time and place to evaluate things. Allow the painful memories to surface, take notice of them, and then allow them to pass on. Remember you cannot change the past and holding regrets or blame will not serve anyone.
5. Send out forgiveness and love. Give love and forgiveness to the one who tried to hurt you. Realize that they have not yet reached the point of awareness to be able to find peace with the past. Send them peaceful, loving thoughts.
6. Find peace with yourself. Be sure to find your balance again surrounding these circumstances. If you feel the need to talk to someone, find a close friend who will listen without judgment. Do not go into shame, blame or guilt. Treat it as an event without going into judgment yourself.

Bring the past only if you are going to build from it.
Doménico Cieri Estrada

People can have similar experiences and have totally different reactions to these experiences. There are so many factors that affect these reactions. Age can play a huge part in your perception. As you go through life, your perspective on events changes. You realize life is not black and white; there are many shades of gray. Tolerance and acceptance become easier.

To find peace with the past is to find balance with your present and your future. Learn from the lessons you have experienced and use these to expand your life. Remember, you did the best you could with what you knew at that time. The past is the past, now go forward to create a better tomorrow!

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment.

And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.
Right now.
Author Unknown