The Road to Self-Fulfillment Can Sometimes Require Changing Those Around You

The discussion of self-fulfillment or pursuing one's life's vision brings about different views depending on the interests of those participating in the discussion. For some, self-fulfillment or pursuing one's life's vision may entail achieving financial independence like Bill Gates, becoming enlightened like Plato, powerful like the President of the United States, famous like Kobe Bryant or Tom Cruise, or simply becoming a "better" human being. While the pursuit of aspirations such as these can have a significant impact on one's ability to fulfill his/her life's vision and achieve self-fulfillment, one's path or jou
ey towards them can be very lonely at times. I have always heard the saying, "It's lonely at the top." Well, what about the climb to the top? Is that jou
ey lonely as well? The truth is that it can be if you don't have the proper people around you to assist you in your quest for self-fulfillment. Now, for all of you that are striving for self-fulfillment do not get discouraged by what I am saying. I am not trying to scare you. I am simply informing you before hand that as you move towards self-fulfillment, you may not receive the kind of support from those around you that you may need to successfully reach your goals. Let me elaborate.

Everyone Does Not Seek Out Self-Fulfillment, Making It Difficult For Them To Relate To Those That Do

Working towards self-fulfillment is not a pursuit the everyone takes on. In fact, very few people subscribe to this path. Whether it be because of a lack of know-how, a lack of drive to do what is necessary, or because they are bogged down by the everyday distractions of life, most of us dedicate little if any of our time or resources to our fulfillment of self. But then along comes you, someone who defies the norm and chooses to pursue his/her life's vision in order to become self-fulfilled. Just the thought of you taking on this jou
ey can bring about an underlying feeling of jealousy, envy, contempt, and resentment from those around you. "How dare you chase your dreams, when I can't?" "Who do you think you are?" "So, you think you are better than me?" These are all thoughts that can unconsciously invade the minds of those around you who do not have your best interests at heart, resulting in passive aggressive tactics used to impede or stop your jou
ey before it gets up a head of steam. Some in your circle may even pose comments and questions such as these outright, as well as overtly try to derail your quest.

For example, it is sad but often times true that in many poverty stricken neighborhoods (like the one I grew up in), friends and family do not support and sometimes impede another from escaping the neighborhood as he/she tries to elevate him/herself, leaving the individual who is trying to attain self-fulfillment to fight on alone in his/her quest. This is often referred to as the "crabs in the barrel" effect. Now, this "crabs in a barrel" effect does not only occur in poor neighborhoods. No, not at all. This kind of behavior permeates all parts of our society and often times surfaces when someone has visions of self-fulfillment that others in his/her circle of friends and family don't share.

What To Look For

In sticking with the examples presented at the beginning of this post, those that are unwilling to support your quest for self-fulfillment may make disparaging comments such as:

You would have to do too much work to amass the kind of wealth that Bill Gates has.
You're not smart enough to attain the enlightenment of a Plato.
What are the odds of you becoming President of the United States?
Do you think you have what it takes to be an actor or a sports star?
You are already a good human being, why would you think about changing?
No matter how innocent sounding, all of these statements are non supportive and detrimental to you achieving your self-fulfillment. Therefore, you have to be aware of comments such as these when they are being used against you. Over time, the acceptance of comments such as these from friends and family as well as their lack of support can hinder, slow, or even stop your progress towards self-fulfillment. With this in mind, you have to be mentally tough enough to resist these comments and change what needs to be changed within those around you.

What You Need To Do

You can't stop people from "hating on you," or not supporting you, however you must be mindful of those around you and their intentions as you work towards your self-fulfillment. Don't let them use up the energy, time, and resources you will need to pursue your self-fulfillment to defend your right to do so. It's your life, therefore no one has the right to tell you what you can achieve. This is why you have to determine if they are worth having around and to what degree if you believe that they are not supporting you in the manner that you need.

Things to be mindful of as you interact with those in your circle while pursuing your self-fulfillment:

Only you can define the help you need in your jou
ey towards self-fulfillment. Therefore, be mindful of those who are telling you that they are providing you with what you need if what they are providing you does not meet your requirements.

Supporters of your cause provide assistance and guidance out of a natural interest in your self-fulfillment, not out of obligation or duty. Therefore, be mindful of those around you that are not helping to generate your progress, but are merely offering basic or superficial assistance because they are not truly interested in your self-fulfillment.

Those around you should display happiness or enthusiasm as you move towards self-fulfillment. However, here is where the problem often occurs, as those around you may have a vested interest in you remaining who you have always been as they have remained who they have always been. Remember, most people do not work towards self-fulfillment because it often requires a great deal of effort as well as change. Therefore, you have to be mindful of those that are inhibiting your development (which often comes in the form of change).

Does this mean that you have to go out and get a whole new set of family and friends? Not in most instances, but sometimes you may have to lose some (detractors) and gain others (supporters). You see, if those around you are not willing to encourage or accept the fact that you want to achieve self-fulfillment then you must make the necessary changes or your jou
ey will be sabotaged by their underlying desire to keep you from developing. You have to be mindful of this dynamic, as it can take your life where you don't want it to go. Remember, it's your life, and ultimately your responsibility to do with it what you may. You have the final say, no one else. But for those of you working towards self-fulfillment, don't be naive enough to think that everyone is on your side, because that may not be the case, as the road to self-fulfillment can sometimes be very lonely.

Self-fulfillment is a major ingredient in personal leadership development. You have to want the most of of life in order to get the most out of life. But first, you have to determine what you want in life and then go for it, regardless of what others say or do to deter you, because it is your life not theirs. I always say, you have one shot a life on earth, therefore make the best of it. Don't let anyone inhibit or prevent you from achieving your self-fulfillment. And most important, never bow down to the pressures of those around you to give up on your dream of being self-fulfilled.nn