There Is Nothing Wrong With You

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I have always felt a little out of place…

Born in the wrong place, to the wrong family, or so it felt, because I never felt like I fit into anything…

Never felt black and African enough…

Obviously not white enough…

I found what felt like my place within various churches…

As long as I dampened down parts of who I was…

I did that for a long while because I wanted to feel like I belonged…

I wanted to be loved…

But then, increasingly could not do it any longer especially when I realised that I was really truly loved by God, even the dampened-down places were acceptable to Him, just not to the people in the church…

I have learnt that that is okay.

I have learnt to live in what I can only describe as the gap…

A place where you have a personal relationship with God, you enjoy being with the people, love them even, but you refuse to take on their ideas of what you must believe, do or be.

A place where you know your own mind when you are with family/friends, you enjoy being with them but you refuse to be manipulated into doing things you do not want to do, even if it means they get angry with you for not playing ball…

It is not always a comfortable place because people tend to think that they should try to save/ teach / correct you and sometimes, think they are superior to you but I do not let them get to me.

I love them.

I love me.

If it gets too annoying, I move on and love these people from afar!

I have learnt that I have enough to contend with inside my own head without taking on the dramas that other people want to add to the mix.