Three Phases of Seeking a Soul Mate

Countless individuals have experienced the three stages of seeking true love.

First, the person seeking true love looks for it everywhere, as if it will magically appear and elevate him to a blissful state of being, and sometimes projects what they want onto people who are not compatible. This type of true love seeking almost always ends in disappointment. It's like trying to find an oasis in the desert.

You are not alone if you've ever been in this stage of seeking true love. Most single people would like a good relationship and are not above actively seeking true love. But unfortunately, it's very common to fall into this trap.

The next stage in seeking true love is becoming cynical because you haven't found it; true love appears ever-elusive. You see those (seemingly) happy couples in public and hear about the decades-long relationships and you think, "Why not me? What's wrong here?" What you're forgetting is that appearances are deceiving, especially with younger couples. This stage is also an unfortunate trap that people fall into. It's not easy rising above the inevitable pessimism. Hang in there if you are at this stage.

The third stage of seeking true love is rather unexpected, though not everyone moves to this level: you inadvertently become happily single and stop actively seeking true love. You come to cherish the inherent freedom of being single, your appreciation of life overall and your own self-love grows, thus gradually negating the need for love outside of yourself. You may have an active social life and still enjoy dating, but you're no longer afraid to be alone. In fact, you might even enjoy your solitude.

In the third stage of seeking true love, you stop spending so much energy in the quest for it. In doing so, you relinquish the inherent frustration because for the vast majority of people, there's never going to be that ultimate love partner. You realize that the continual hunt for a better relationship partner in seeking true love almost always results in simply trading one set of good and bad qualities for a different set of good and bad qualities.

Those who enter the third stage of seeking true love share a unique revelation: It's very difficult for most people, especially the very young, to truly be happy and feel fulfilled for more than five or ten years in a long-term, monogamous relationship. You also accept that most of those exclusive, long-term traditional marriage-like relationships you had in the past were a lot more burdensome on your peace of mind and sense of self than you realized.

It's important to note that those who experience the third stage of seeking true love often do so after going through a lot of emotional pain and frustration. Perhaps love life trials are sometimes necessary to get to where you're supposed to be.

The most interesting thing about the third stage of seeking true love is that the expectations of people you date, your relationships, and the rigid relationship rules and traditions tend to become less important, thus you are more likely to find yourself in a more compatible relationship without trying too hard.

For those of you who are stuck in the first or second stage of seeking true love and would like to move to the third stage, we have some suggestions: do everything you can to start looking inside yourself instead of outside in seeking true love; meditate and exercise regularly; read more; consider a new hobby; focus on other parts of life, such as career or volunteer work if you are unhappily single. It may be some time before your love life timing is ripe for a good love relationship, so keep busy to take your mind off of the need for true love until your timing improves.

You may not ever want to be happily single, but you may end up that way in seeking true love.

Copyright © Scott Petullo, Stephen Petullo