The Power of Asking

If I could only give one piece of negotiating advice to someone then undoubtedly that piece of advice would be a simple three letter word:

"Ask."

This simple word is the most powerful negotiating tool you will ever have and it is the most powerful persuasion tool that you will ever have. Why is that? Simply because the biggest hurdle that we create comes from our own level of confidence. We create our own internal roadblocks for success in the form of self-doubt. We often convince ourselves that we won't get something because of some rationale that we conjure up for ourselves in our minds before we even get around to asking for it and this self-doubt makes us not ask for what we want.

No one likes rejection. It's painful and in my article about human motivation, I explain that humans are motivated in two ways: (1) We try to get as far away from pain as possible, and (2) We are attracted to that which gives us pleasure. Rejection is embarrassing and it hurts our ego, hence it is painful, so we try to get as far away from rejection as possible by choosing the safe route and walking the other way. We tend to justify walking away from a rejection by telling ourselves that if someone wanted us to have something, they would offer it to us.

The flaw in this thinking is that we do not know why a person might not offer us something. There is a chance that they will say no, but most of the time, it is because they do not know that we wanted something to begin with. For example, a girl may not wake up thinking about going out on a date with you. Neither does your boss wake up thinking about your next raise. What's very important to you, may not be important to them until you bring it to their attention.

Why you Shouldn't Fear Rejectio

Jack Canfield in his book, The Principles of Success, gives a good reason why we should not fear rejection. He says that there really is no need to fear rejection because if you really look at the situation, what have you truly lost? The answer is nothing. If you ask a girl out and she says "No," then realize that you did not have the girl before you asked her out and you don't have the girl now, so really what has changed? Nothing. And think about it. You have lived your entire life without dating this girl, so you know how to deal with it. Simple move on to the next one and play the numbers game. That's what life is.

If you Don't Ask, you will Never Receive

Opportunities float past us daily and it's the secret of the highly successful people out there to ask for things that they want to seize as many opportunities as possible. When you want something, simple ask for it. This is a little truism that I leave my students-"If you don't ask, then you will absolutely 100% won't receive. If you do ask, then there is a chance that you might receive." Either way, you stand to lose nothing by asking, so just do it.