Turning shyness into strength

Do you find that shyness holds you back and stops you from really living a life true to yourself? Do you find that there are people you’d like to talk to, social occasions that you’d like to go to and experiences that you’d love to try but can’t because your shyness gets in the way?

We can all be a bit shy in certain circumstances and shyness can be a special trait that makes you who you are; but when shyness has a hold over you and stops you from living life the way you want to, it’s time to deal with it and take back control.

Sometimes we view our shyness as a sign of weakness or inferiority; it can feel shy if we feel that we aren’t good enough. Yet a small amount of shyness is natural and when you realize this and learn to accept that this feeling is just part of human nature, you can begin to stop taking it so personally.

The more you worry about appearing shy, the worse it gets and the more control it has over you; ultimately shyness can be totally debilitating. It becomes a vicious circle and social occasions and new experiences become more and more difficult. Understanding that much of your shyness is self-created can help you to realize that you can also change it. You may never eliminate it entirely, but when it’s manageable, it becomes a special part of your personality rather than an enemy that controls your life.

Use your shyness as a gift. Being shy is often associated with being a more thoughtful person and a great listener. Learn to ask thoughtful questions to others; most people will be flattered that you’re taking the time to listen to them and most people also love to talk about themselves! Understand that being the one who is listening often puts you in a position of power, as the majority of people aren’t good listeners.

Learn to use your body language to show confidence. Smile when you greet someone, stand tall and look people in the eyes when you’re talking to them. If someone is rude to you or makes you feel inferior, don’t let your body language give your feelings away; walk away with confidence and maturity, this puts you in control.

Remember, if you feel shy in large groups of people, try to get to know each person slowly, one at a time. This allows you to forge a more genuine, meaningful relationship rather then trying to get to know as many people as possible just to be socially correct. You won’t be the only person who is feeling shy and reserved and by allowing others to see you as you are, rather than trying to be someone that you’re not will help to put them at ease also. In effect you’re giving others permission to admit that its ok to feel nervous and shy as well.

Extreme shyness and a lack of confidence tend to come from a distorted view that other people are primarily conce
ed with thinking about you. Remember YOU ARE NOT THE ISSUE! Whist you’re worrying about what other people are thinking about you, they will be far too busy worrying about what you think about them. Learn to take interest in others as this takes the focus away from you and onto them. In turn, this helps to put both parties at ease. It may appear to you that most people are much more confident and self assured than yourself, but the reality is that they probably hold the same self-doubts as you, it’s just that they have learnt how to manage them better.

Learn to acknowledge negative self-talk, then let it go. It serves no useful purpose to you at all. If you do something wrong or make a mistake lighten up, forgive yourself and move on. Mistakes and failing are learning experiences and an essential part of life. We ALL make mistakes and the people who make the most are usually those people who will become the most successful.

Remember shyness is a unique and beautiful quality, be proud to be who you are; but always make she that it is YOU not shyness that has the control.