***Twelve Things Divorcing Parents Should Tell Their Children

Divorce is a difficult enough experience, and when children are involved, most divorcing parents have to set aside their marital feelings and work together to co-raise children responsibly. The goal is not to have children survive divorce but to thrive.
However, many parents are so hurt, angry, confused or overwhelmed that they sometimes need some extra parenting guidelines.

Before getting divorced, parents should take preventative measures such as seeking counseling and trying new relationship skills. If a split up is unavoidable, then divorcing parents should sit down with their children together, whenever possible, and say to them the Divorced Parent Promise Guide. Families might even want to post this Guide in the kitchen or other rooms. No list can cover everything, but this guide is a great place to start. You can add your own promises.

Divorced Parent Promise Guide

1. You were conceived in love.
2. We both love you and want you in our lives.
3. You are not the reason we divorced.
4. We tried getting along and saw a counselor.
5. We will never abandon you.
6. We will make sure to get along so we can raise you together.
7. Your parents will not say bad things about each other.
8. We will not make you choose or be more loyal to one parent over the other.
9. We will learn about your needs and talents and help you with them.
10. We will not act out of guilt and overindulge you or back away from setting limits and consequences
11. We have enough money or will have enough money to take care of you.
12. We will not live with another partner—unless we are in love, get along, have known each other for a good amount of time and have set a date for the marriage, have gone for pre-marital counseling and promise that any new future partner loves you and knows how to be a good parent to you. n