Understanding Your Siblings

Understanding your siblings can be hard for we often have ideas of who they are based on our childhood and our connections with them. We may not see the real person they are or have become. Instead, we come from a place of relating to them as if they are still the same person in our memories. We see them as we wish they were or how we have already decided they are. You can see that because of the close and often emotional ties one has with their family, the reality of who our siblings are can be different from how we see them. We judge them not solely on who they are as a person but on our relation to them. We see them emotionally from a distance as our brother or sister; therefore, they have a dual role in our interpretation of who they are. They can not be just another person in our lives because they have a role to play. In order to really see each other clearly and understand one another, we have to take a step back and pull ourselves out of the role of the sibling. Then we must adjust our perception and really try to look at them for who they are now in this very moment. We tend to forget that we all change; we are not the same as when we were ten years ago, twenty years ago, or even last year. By holding onto all those memories that tie us together, we are also hindering our understanding of our siblings because we are not allowing ourselves to see them as someone that has changed and is different than they were. What is important to realize is that we may not be seeing the sibling for who they really are. They may even be withholding a part of themselves to keep the relationship stable. If we could meet each other on open terms, without assumptions, memories, roles, or ideas, then perhaps we could see each other differently and in a new way. In order to understand the other, it is vital to erase your ideas of who they are, who you think they have become, and instead try to relate to them as they are right now. The more open you are the easier this will feel, and it goes both ways. If your sibling can feel this shift, then perhaps their barriers will fall as well. Try to relate to them from a new place without going back to how you normally would interact with them. Try to search out and understand who they really are and who they have become. Perhaps you will learn something new that you never realized about this other person. Perhaps you can reunite as friends and learn to understand one another once again.