Unplugging From The Sabateur

The child wants to have what she wants
She cries in the night for love in her heart
That doesn’t live up to the day’s activities
The pain of hearing you are not enough, you will never be good enough, why are you so bad, why do you do these things, people will never like you
And on and on until the mind finds excuses to survive and the body‘s pain bleeds in remorse of being such a horrible perso

She wonders – how can this be love – it doesn’t feel right

In comes the saboteur – a friend built from the ego
It has many ways of functioning
Some from thoughts some from fears
All from the ego’s perspective of ‘I will show them all’

It’s the one who wants romance
And anything like romance
It’s the one who thinks love is kindness
Help, gentleness and respect
Do I know how to fix this?
There are many faces to please, so many thoughts of ‘this will save me’
If someone tells you ‘you have done wrong to them’ you believe it and do whatever you can to help them feel better, you have no rights and you have all responsibility for others feelings and actions, none of your ow

You are not allowed to feel your own pain because it’s wrong and others are right
You are not allowed to know what is right for you only what others say is right for you
And you build your life based on these premises and wonder why you feel horrible in relationships

All concepts that we live, come from the ego’s saboteur whose very existence depends upon its strategies, formulas and figuring things out in life

The one who feels deeply in the heart suffers at this hand
The application of true love learning to be unconditional but with boundaries wants life

No longer will I allow someone to touch my wounds without honor, care and deep reverence

I learned to fight my way through the pain of being wrong
I learned to survive by being ready in case anyone said I was wrong agai

A good strategy, my ego knew
At least it kept the mother’s words from biting so much
Ready for the fight I was already hurting and wouldn’t allow anyone to hurt me more
The fight became stronger
And the heart became guarded, armored
If you love me, surely, you will hurt me and I will be ready for that
If you say I’m wrong or yell at me, I will do whatever it takes to keep you from doing that again, I must be the problem

Even being vulnerable won’t insure people will love you
Even telling the truth brings pai

And I offer myself to love, to deeply step into the void of love’s embrace

Do this without another? I feel as this is other than the way to live
Somewhere deep inside me I know that love can be sweet, gentle and kind without destroying the self, the child, the ego, or the heart
I do believe that we all can have the deepest love without harm to the self

My question is when can I practice with someone who will honor himself AND men