Want To Create More Happiness? Start Saying 'Thank You'

“If the only prayer you ever said was ‘Thank You,’ that would be enough.” (Meister Eckhart, Catholic mystic)

Thank you - two of the most powerful words in our language. But sometimes they can be so hard to say and actually mean. Why is that?

As a child, my mother made me write thank you notes to people for my birthday and Christmas gifts. I hated it! Being a "cut to the chase" kind of person even back then, trying to come up with that personalized second sentence after "Thank you so much for the gift" was sheer torture!

Also, being very shy as a child, learning to say 'thank you' after receiving a personal complement was another uphill climb. It took long, hard work on “deservability” issues to finally be able to say 'thank you' and mean it.

All in all, I believe gratitude is a learned skill - one that takes daily practice to develop to its full potential. For many of us, gratitude comes in stages:

Enforced Gratitude - This is when we say 'thank you' because someone is making us or because we're supposed to. The words, if spoken at all, are usually backed by a lot of resistance and sometimes even anger. It’s similar to the childhood “punishment” of having to say “I’m sorry” to your sibling just after you’ve had a knock-down, drag-out fight.

Habit Gratitude - When our "resistance" has broken down and saying 'thank you' is now a habit, we’re in the second stage, Habit Gratitude. The words we mouth are hollow and lack sincerity, yet we say them because we’re supposed to. Or maybe there's no meaning beneath the words because we feel we don’t deserve the complement or the gift.

Heart Gratitude - This stage of gratitude is filled with feelings of true appreciation. To 'appreciate' means to express approval and admiration, enjoyment and pleasure. It also carries a sense of understanding, acceptance and responsiveness.

Heartfelt gratitude is the place where miracles happen. It creates joy for both the giver and the receiver, and it breaks down the barriers of resistance that keep us from creating lives of true fulfillment. Melody Beattie, author of Co-Dependent No More, states this eloquently:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."

The best thing about heartfelt gratitude is that the more you practice it, the more it grows. And the more it grows, the more valuable you feel and the more valuable you become to yourself and to others.

You don’t have to wait until the holidays to start practicing gratitude. You can start today, or even right now. If you’re already up to the Heart Gratitude stage, can you turn that up a notch? Are you practicing heartfelt gratitude even when things don't go well, or when someone irritates or upsets you?

If you’re not quite up to the sincere appreciation stage yet, I encourage you to find at least one thing each day that you are truly grateful for. As you think of this person, place or event, indulge yourself in the good, positive, appreciative feelings that arise. Savor these. Remember them often as you go about your day.

You might also want to write down any affirming thoughts that come to you. And if you really want to move to the next level, send that person a note of appreciation, or share the memory with a friend or family member.

Remember, what we focus on grows. The more we focus on what we appreciate, the more we'll have to appreciate.

And it all starts with just two words - Thank You!