What is Freedom Worth?

What is Freedom Worth
by Rusty Englishr
Its not that I don’t have times where I really feel free to do what I want to do. Its not that I am not productive with my everyday activities. Its not that my chosen profession is boring or mundane.
Its been a while since I drove a long distance run. Last weekend, I drove to Charleston, S.C. on business. The trip was about 1600 miles round trip. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time in deep thought.
I thought about times in my life when I had taken my boat to Lake Maurepas by myself to watch the sun go down. Some of the vacations that I have taken like rafting through the Colorado river in the Grand Canyon and hiking to the top of the Chimney Tops in the Smoky Mountains have taken me out of the anxiousness I feel in my daily productive life. Sometimes I can go for a jog or ride my mountain bike on some difficult trails. I have really experienced freedom sometimes when I make a great sale or make a good property purchase. Sometimes when it is just Stacy and me and we are really intimate about our feelings or making plans, I can experience a period of freedom.
This is not what I am trying to get across here. What I am talking about is when the sailboat comes out of the harbor and gets into the open ocean. The small gas powered engine is turned off and the sails are lifted. At this point, the sailboat finally gets to do what it was designed to do.
There have been times when I have opened my sails. The wind blows hard and I go hard. I think that the path I have chosen can sustain and long term success is going to finally happen. What has happened at this point in the past is that I think I became afraid of myself and having greatness. I am afraid of what I am capable of. I do something stupid so that I can say “see? I told you” and I change my course. The path changes and the things I was doing to insure success are changed to things that destroy success.
I think I am designed for greatness. It is in me. I feel like I have untied from the dock, started the small outboard motor, backed out of the slip and I am leaving the row where my boat has been parked. I am entering the harbor.
I have a ton of fear about whether I am capable. I am not sure of what may happen. But, the thing I fear the most and rocks my core is what will happen when it starts working. Am I adequate and will I be able to stand the release of this burden of stress and anxiety I force myself to endure because I refuse to be great?
Wow! The sun is coming up and the seas are flat. My course has been charted and all I have to do when I get out there is raise the sails. I will let my light shine so that my presence can liberate others around me to do the same.
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