What To Do In Hell

A friend wrote to me:
I'm in the mountains right now, and having a terrible time with my muscles and with the altitude. I don't know if I'll ever want to come back here. But this trip did give me a chance to tell my brother about some things he said that upset me. It was hard to do because he's generally so generous and kind, but it just came pouring out. It was healing for me, and I hope I didn't hurt him. You never know with these revelations. You want to clear the energy, but not dump on someone else.

I cried a lot today too. These crying jags come about a month apart, so I surmise that it's my hormones. I ache physically, and emotionally I'm being challenged way beyond my usual comfort zone. I'm grateful that I have a good therapist. Instead of just sympathizing, he encourages me to take care of myself.

My reply:
I'm sorry that you're suffering. Difficult situations and/or emotions are at the forefront right now. The world is going through such turmoil, how could our individual psyches be exempt? I know that you know that life goes up and down, in emotions, health, and mental acuity. Please don't think of your evolution as beyond your capacity. God doesn't give you more than you can bear.

Here are my thoughts on what to do when you're in hell. You can't make your emotions go away. Everyone has distressing experiences. Trying not to feel what you're feeling only causes more pain. You can bury them in your subconscious, but until you resolve the underlying problem, they'll come back to bite you. To clear their effects you have to acknowledge and examine the gory details, accept what you felt, thought and decided at the time— all the mortifying, disappointing, offensive, and infuriating stuff, even if it's unpleasant at first. Denying your reactions blocks energy that you could otherwise be using for healing and creating.

Difficult situations offer the opportunity to find meaning in your life, deepen your compassion and love, uncover the truth about who you are, what you want, and how to make a difference in the world. It helps to talk with people who understand and can assist in guiding you through the rough spots. Don't be discouraged. See your situation as a way to discover what you need to face so that you can create what you want. We work our way back to equanimity by bringing the underlying distortions to light, which weakens their power over us. Do your best, and try to be true to your highest instincts. Hold in your heart the wish for the best possible outcome.

Although the workings of the mind and soul are often a mystery, everything that happens in your life reflects your purpose, whether you understand what it is or not. We each come into life with a personal mission— a lesson to learn, a challenge to meet, or something to accomplish. The specific situations you find yourself in are custom-made to show you how to untangle the mysteries of your mind and build a life you love. By searching for meaning in difficult times, you have a great opportunity to develop your compassion and love, and tune in to your own truth. Do your best to be honest and supportive. Pray for the best outcome for everyone, including and especially yourself.

Some symptoms may seem better or worse than others, but they're all troublesome while we're experiencing them. But that's the point, and the gift. Until we do what we need to become balanced inside, difficult circumstances— mental, physical or emotional— are the thorns in our side that show us where we're out of proportion.

As you review a problem, notice and include what you're thinking and feeling. Be honest with yourself. Examine both sides of the story. How do they make you feel? Ask your symptomatic body parts what they're trying to tell you. What are they associated with in the present? What do they symbolize? What memories do they bring to mind? Write it all down.

If you get images that seem as if they could be past life stuff, think of them as metaphor, like dreams. More important than whether it actually happened is if it says something meaningful to you. If so, it's worth following through on. Releasing stored-up emotion may seem impossible when you feel so hopeless, so helpless. But letting the cycle complete itself is productive.

Change doesn't happen ove
ight, it comes little by little, more and more, each time you bring awareness to the problem. Emotional challenges are part of the human condition. Life goes up and down. No one is happy all the time. But with help and insight, your stumbling blocks can point you toward a better life. What would you be doing if you weren't feeling so bad? The answer to that question is a big step on your path to a new future.

In the meantime, intersperse your self-examination with meditation and prayer. Find a quiet, secure place where you can relax and turn your attention inward. Sit on a pillow or chair, lie down on the floor or bed, or recline in the bathtub— any position that's comfortable and not weight-bearing. Counting your breaths is the basic form of meditation, or you can silently repeat a word (like "peace") or sentence (like "I can have a good life") that soothes you. Ask for help in getting clear, in accepting and releasing your distortions. When your mind wanders, and it will, come back to your breath (or soothing words.) Imagine healing light filling the places that feel weak or damaged. Picture the blockage draining away down a grounding cord connecting the first chakra, at the base of your torso, with the center of the earth, to be purified and recycled into creativity. Spend some time picturing what you'd do with that new energy. That's where this process will ultimately lead you if you use it well. Even ten minutes a day can make a difference. It adds up.

The more you can stay in touch with your internal process, the faster it moves. Take good, gentle care of yourself. Eat, drink, exercise and rest when you need to. Vitamins, walks, baths, and little indulgences can remind you of the good things in life.

Although you're confused and you hurt like the devil, one day you realize you've turned a corner and the problem has begun to fade. Then you get new, better opportunities, and the same process starts all over again, except that you're wiser about how to get the most out of it.

Think of this work as a purging, a holy act— your contribution to making the world a better place.

Godspeed.